Prayers for rain
by LaueHime
Summary: Tag to 8x23. For once he felt like he could win this. He was so close to victory. But then Dean was there begging him to let go. And even though he suffered from the effects of the first trials, he wouldn't risk losing his life because Dean needed him and to be honest he didn't want to die. But how was he supposed to let go of hell trials? It's what Sam wondered as he collapsed.
1. Angels, they're falling

**AN: hello readers! I've been having this idea ever since the finale played and it was bugging me so I finally had to write it down. So basically, this is where I would take the show after the events of 8x23. It's just a fiction but at least until the show starts again in September, we can only make guesses as to where the show will go. So yeah this is my take on the following events.**

**Summary: Tag to 8x23. For once he felt like he could win this. He was so close to victory. But then Dean was there begging him to let go. And even though he suffered from the effects of the first trials, he wouldn't risk losing his life because Dean needed him and to be honest he didn't want to die. But how was he supposed to let go of hell trials? It's what Sam wondered as he collapsed. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show or the characters. They belong to the amazing Kripke. And no I'm not making profits out of it, not that it would belong to me anyway! I'm just a girl who's got too much imagination.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy this and don't forget to review! Feedback is my drug.**

**OoO**

He had gotten so far already. Now was not anytime to give up. As he had been saying earlier, for once he felt like they were going to win. For once, he felt strong enough to finish what he started.

The past two trials had been hard on him both mentally and physically. The pain he was put through was nothing like he had ever experienced. It felt like being ripped apart from the inside. The bloody coughing, the fever and the lack of muscle strength were just outer testimonies of what was going on inside.

And then the third trial came. Curing a demon would be the final task to closing the gates of hell for ever. What better candidate for this trial than the King of hell himself. The demon had been so self assured that the Winchester's attempt to rid him of his inner evil would fail that he'd even be cocky about it. After each hour, he would offer his neck gently to the sting of the needle.

The only thing he had refused to admit at first was the wrong feeling he felt at the bottom of his guts. At first, he couldn't tell what it was but the more he watched the kid go with pain written all over his face, the more he felt that pain. But it wasn't physical pain.

The price to pay for his cure was high. He could see the kid deteriorating quickly after each injection. How far would he go to destroy him and all the others like him? What was he ready to sacrifice to see all demons locked away forever?

The demon swallowed, afraid to admit that the kid didn't seem as though he had anything to lose at that point. The only thing left in him was life itself. And even that was fading as quickly as the color faded from his face. The time it took to steady himself on his feet was getting longer as well.

The youngest Winchester felt drained but hopeful. He kept reminding himself that he couldn't let his big brother down again. Pain erupted in his chest when he thought back to the conversation he'd heard outside between his brother and the angel. _Couldn't be trusted. Couldn't be left alone. Had more on his hands then he could handle. Should be chaperoned…_

He gritted his teeth at the thought of being so low in his brother's esteem, but then again he guessed he deserved it after all he did that turned wrong.

Only this time, he would set things right.

The tears finally escaped from the demon's eyes and made him feel victorious. He was so close…

Desperate and exhausted but growing impatient, he read the exorcism. His heart beat faster by the second with excitement that after eight long hours, he would finally succeed. After days and weeks of suffering from the trials, he would finally end it.

And as he was about to wrap his bloody hand around the demon's lips, the door opened and his big brother came crashing in, urging him to stop. His wide-eyes glowed with panic and concern. And he begged him to let it go. After everything he'd been through and after being so close to ending everything, he had to let go _because this would kill him_.

But the thought of failing once more would surely kill him too. He had to finish it to prove himself. Only, his big brother wouldn't allow it. He would not sacrifice his brother to save people who hardly deserved it. They would find another way.

With that, he did what he would always do when he was a snot-nosed kid who only looked up to one person in life – his big brother – he had blind faith in the guy.

_How do I stop? It's in me…_

_Just let it go, brother. _

_Just._

_Let._

_It._

_Go._

And he did. He abandoned himself to his brother's embrace and let go of the desire to end it and the desire to make his pain matter. He let go of the fear and the anger. He gave in to hope and faith and love. He let himself feel his brother's trust and his pride for his kid brother. He thought of him as a good father congratulating his son for making him proud. Because his brother _had always been more of a father to him _then their father _ever was_. Somehow he was happy to make him proud.

He smiled from relief when the air caught in his throat and the color drained from his face. A long and painful gasp brought him to his knees and his brother caught him just in time.

_Sam! I got you little brother; you're going to be just fine!_

And with that Dean carried his little brother out of the church just like he had carried him away from danger on one too many occasions. Sam was barely holding it together and he was fading fast. He went to dive face first in the mud but Dean caught him in time to sit him up against the side of the car.

Sam gasped but no air entered his lungs. His face paled more, if possible and his lips turned a scary shade of blue. Dean had to hold him straight so he wouldn't fall face first in the mud again.

"Sam? SAM!" he yelled to his unresponsive brother. Sam's face was contorted in agony.

He opened wide eyes upon realizing he couldn't take in a meaningful breath and his lungs were crying out now from being deprived for too long. He gasped in order to try to swallow in a little bit of precious air that he so desperately needed, while he clutched at his chest. Dean turned his head towards the sky.

"CASTIEL!" he shouted.

Having launched his rescue call, he turned back to his brother and started begging him to be okay. He couldn't lose him now, not after everything they'd been through. Stopping Sam was supposed to save the kid from death, not throw him into it. _Please Sam, be okay!_

But things went on and there were no signs of the angel. Dean turned worried eyes to Sam, noticing that the kid was hardly gasping anymore but instead seemed as though his flame was about to go out. The kid was barely awake, his grip on his chest loosening. A painful feeling clawed at Dean's stomach.

He was losing Sam. Again.

He went to rub the kid's back in a soothing pattern when something caught his attention. Bright light erupted from the dark clouds. At first, Dean would have sworn they were shooting stars. But then, the lights were too big and too bright to be stars. He hated the feeling that he knew what was happening.

_Ow, Cas!_

And then he knew. He knew what was happening and he knew why. Metatron had succeeded and Castiel was probably right in the middle of everything. Dean turned his eyes quickly to Sam, only to see that the kid had closed his eyes. He wasn't fighting anymore.

He turned back to the sky and watched the angels fall, their wings burning off. An angel landed in the water not far from them. Sam was startled awaked and saw the lights burning from the sky.

_What's happening?_

_The angels, they're falling!_

And they both watched the golden sky with the sad realization of what that implied. Metatron had gotten his revenge and the angels had all been cast out of heaven.

"That son of a bitch!" Dean growled, rage filling his chest.

He then remembered that his brother wasn't out of the woods yet and turned to him with concerned eyes. Sam's eyes were glassy but they were open and stared sadly at the scene in front of him. Confusion was written all across his face.

"Why…" he breathed and closed his eyes at the energy it took to mutter his simple question.

Dean shook his head angrily. "It's Metatron. That bastard knew you were going to die if you completed the trials. But that's not all. His latest quest with Castiel was a trap as well. He never intended on closing the gates of heaven…" Dean explained. Sam looked at him with a puzzled look.

"What…" he hissed, pain written all across his face.

"Those weren't trials, they were part of a spell to cast the angels out of heaven… in order to make them human" Dean grunted. Sam opened wide eyes at the implication of such a confession.

"And I succeeded" came a voice from the side.

Both brothers turned their heads to see the shabby looking curly-haired angel. Metatron had an evil smile plastered on his face.

"It was thanks to your little friend Castiel. It's funny how easy it was to trick him into my plan. That angel is so naïve; he wouldn't see the truth even if it came up and bit him in the ass" Metatron chuckled.

"You sick son of a bitch! This world will turn to chaos without the angels watching over it! " Dean spat.

"Well, well, Dean, for someone who used to call the angels 'dicks' you sure have a high opinion of them!" the angel pointed out.

Dean grimaced. It's not that he cared much about the angels. He only cared about one and that one was in the middle of this crisis. Only, his brother might be dying for all he knew and Castiel was his best hope at saving Sam at the moment.

Seeing the oldest Winchester's lack of response, Metatron went on.

"Now burning the angels' wings was just a little part of my plan, but I must admit I was counting on your brother for the other part. I must say I am disappointed in you, Sam" he stated.

The youngest Winchester opened his eyes to slits at hearing his name. His blurry vision finally focused on the angel.

"Leave him alone or so God help me, I will destroy you!" Dean threatened, his fists clenching into iron balls.

Metatron giggled.

"There's nothing you can do, Dean. I need Sam, and I will have what I want!"

"If you think I'm going to let you get close to him, you're not just the proverbial dick, you'd also be the biggest fluffy-winged dumbass! You knew the third trial was going to kill him…" Dean shouted.

"And that was my plan, exactly" Metatron cut him off. "Sam was supposed to die tonight as he freed demons from hell" he added.

Dean frowned. "Freed? No, the trials were supposed to close…"

"I know what the tablet says, Dean. I wrote it. Only, there are advantages that come with being the only one to understand them. I can write whatever I want on them."

Realization dawned upon Dean and it made sense now. Metatron had been planning his revenge from the start. His plan was to cast the angels down and to rise the demons up so all of them would walk the earth among humans. This way, when humans died, they would go to heaven or descend to hell but no angels or demons would get their say in the story. Natural order would decide of things.

And Metatron being the only one left would get to become god and rebuild his own army. He would get to choose his own allies.

"You megalomaniac asshole" Dean growled. Metatron smiled.

"I see you finally understand what will happen. For a hairless ape, you're not as dimwitted as I thought you to be" he chuckled. Dean fumed with rage.

"What did you do to Castiel?"

"Don't worry. His journey is not over. I have special plans for him when he dies and joins me in heaven" Metatron replied. Dean frowned.

"So they're all human now?"

"I'll let you figure that out for yourself. Right now, I still have unfinished business with your brother" the angel snapped. Dean tensed and a cold chill went up and down his spine. Sam was leaning heavily against him.

"You'll have to kill me first" Dean threatened.

Metatron started laughing. "Please boy, I like you so don't tempt me" he proposed. Dean frowned.

In a second, Metatron disappeared. Dean looked all around to see where the angel had gone, ready to fight if he needed to. He turned to Sam. The kid hardly breathed anymore and his skin felt cold and clammy.

"Sam?" he started when it happened too quickly for him to react. One minute Sam was leaning against him and the next, the angel appeared behind his brother. In the time it took to blink, the two were gone, leaving Dean alone in the cold rain. The image of the angel's evil victorious smile was carved into his brain.

"SAM! Metatron you motherf…" Dean yelled but his voice caught in his throat when he saw the slumped figure drag himself out of the woods.

"Cas?" His voice was filled with concern.

The former angel looked up with a beat down look to his eyes. Dean ran to meet him.

"Cas, are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Cerulean-blue orbs locked with his. They were twisted in pain and guilt.

"It's my fault, Dean" he whispered so quietly that the hunter almost missed the words.

"Come on dude, don't beat yourself up! There's no time to waste and besides, that scumbag fooled us all. He almost got Sam killed – hell! – he still might die if we don't do something!" Dean spat.

Castiel took in the urgency of the situation. He would hate himself for his failure later, now was not the time. He had to be there for his friends.

"Where is Sam?"

"Metatron zapped him. I'm pretty sure they're back in the church. The son of a bitch wants Sam to finish the third trial. It was always his plan to lock angels and demons away" Dean explained.

Castiel looked down with desperate eyes. "And it's my fault he's halfway through already" he stuttered.

Dean grabbed the former angel's shoulders. "Hey, look at me! It's Metatron's fault and his only. Now help me fix this by keeping him from completing the second half of his plan!" Dean snapped. _And help me save Sam_ he thought.

Castiel nodded. "What do we do? We can't kill him" he asked.

Dean shrugged. "This time we just have to make sure it doesn't get worse so we shoot first and ask questions later" he said. Castiel approved the plan and they ran to the doors of the church.

Or course, things wouldn't be so easy. They found the doors locked.

"Metatron! Open up you bastard! I swear to God you're a dead man!" Dean yelled.

He pushed and kicked at the door but it didn't budge.

Metatron had zapped himself and Sam inside the chapel and locked the doors with a spell. He was the only one left with angel mojo so his spell didn't risk being broken. The king of hell was tied in the middle of the room. He turned wide eyes from the windows to the newcomers. Metatron smiled.

"I hope you didn't think this was over for you, demon" he laughed. Crowley frowned and looked down to see a barely living Winchester. He didn't know why or how but he felt concerned and even saddened by that vision. _Can I really be cured_, he wondered.

Metatron turned back to Sam's pale and slumped form. It was hard to believe that this man once was the strong warrior that intended to close the gates of hell. The angel laughed to himself. _You either die from completing the trial or from running away from it_.

That's what he liked about those trials he made up. Heroes die but cowards do too.

He shook Sam awake. The kid blinked tired eyes towards him. His vision swam before it came to focus on the angel. He noted that he was back in the church and that Dean wasn't in there with him. _What happened_, he wondered, trying to fill in the blanks in his mind.

Metatron chuckled at the kid's confused gaze.

"I believe you were interrupted before you finished what had to be done, here" he said towards Sam. The kid frowned and looked around until his eyes rested on a bloody demon tied in a chair. Their eyes met and something was shared in an unsaid kind of way. For a second, Sam swore he could read compassion in the demon's eyes. _But that had to be an illusion, right? A dying illusion induced by fever and pain._

The angel grabbed Sam's shoulders and pulled harder this time. "How about you finish it" he proposed.

Sam shook his head but regretted it when his vision swam and for a second, he thought he would hurl. Metatron didn't have the compassion the others seemed to have around the Winchester. He pulled the kid to his feet, earning grunts of pain followed with ragged breaths.

"I wish it didn't have to come to this" Metatron whispered. He untied the makeshift tourniquet Dean had fastened around Sam's bleeding hand. Upon relieving the pressure on the wound, dark blood started oozing from the cut once more.

Crowley's eyes filled with fear at the same time Sam's did. Metatron smiled.

"Luckily for me, you've given him the blood and you've pronounced the spell. Let's cure this demon, shall we" he said with utter joy. Sam shivered from head to toe. The angel only grabbed him harder and pulled on his arm, opening his palm enough that the blood would flow freely from the wound.

Without hesitation, the angel pushed Sam's hand to the demon's face, forcing him to taste the blood. Crowley tried to pull his head away but the angel tightened his grip. Sam held his breath waiting for the inevitable to happen.

But nothing happened.

Metatron frowned angrily. He pulled Sam's hand away to make sure he was really bleeding and the constant flow was his reply. He turned to Crowley whom seemed to be as surprised as he was. The demon had expected pain, bright light or something like that but nothing happened.

Realization hit Sam's mind and he pulled his tired lips into a victorious grin. It was weak but it was there. Metatron let go of his hand to wrap his fingers around the kid's throat, cutting the airway to already oxygen-deprived lungs.

Sam let out a slight gasp. His lungs burned at being starved from the precious air he was so desperately trying to recuperate. Once again, his vision swam. Only this time, the edges of his vision started to darken. A black cloud started to veil the outside world, pulling him further down into himself.

"Why isn't it working? You had the right spell so what is it?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"…let…go…" Sam murmured. The air hardly escaping his mouth, as he tried to make a sound.

"I'm not letting you go until the demon's dead!" he spat.

Sam shook his head as if the angel hadn't understood what he meant.

"I…let…go…trials…" he gasped. He was trying to say that he didn't have the power to finish the trials anymore because Dean made him let go. At this moment he was aware enough to hear the banging on the church doors and his brother's voice was somewhere out there. It sounded farther and farther from him as if his brother was walking away…_or maybe I'm the one that's going farther away_.

Metatron turned to look at the door but he shrugged it off and turned to Sam again. The kid could only read that the angel was now beyond angry.

"You ruined everything" he hissed, his voice low as if the angel was trying to control the storm that was exploding inside.

And it exploded outside.

Sam was thrown across the room and he flew towards the back of the church before crashing on the altar. The table broke under his weight. Sam's limp form was left sprawling across the broken pieces of wood. There was a loud silence followed by gunshots.

"Hold on, Sammy!" was heard through the door. Sam recognized it as Dean's worried voice. It's the last thing he heard before the darkness engulfed him completely.

Dean was still on the porch outside the church. He held his fuming gun and watched as bullet holes burned the broken wood where the lock stood. He slammed his body against the door but it still wouldn't open. He was growing out of hope and Metatron's shouting and the noise that followed had scared him up to his breaking point.

Dean Winchester didn't scare easily but this time fear was an understatement to the nagging feeling that clawed at his guts. He could _feel_ his brother slipping away and he would never let that happen.

"Come on, Sam" he pleaded and rested his head against the door. Desperation had reached its climax.

Castiel couldn't stand to see the hurt on Dean's face. He walked around the church when he stopped abruptly.

"Dean" he said softly. The hunter turned to him as if to say _what is it_?

The angel motioned for his friend to join him. Dean obliged and looked around to where Castiel was staring. That's when he saw the broken window on the side of the church. His stomach clenched when he realized the whole was shaped like a gigantic little brother he knew too well.

"Let's go" he muttered. Castiel nodded and helped Dean up the window.

Dean peaked inside and saw that Metatron had his back to him. Crowley was slumped in the chair with blood across his cheeks and down his chin. Dean realized what happened and his stomach churned. It was Sam's blood. But the kid was nowhere to be seen. _Unless…_

"Sammy…" Dean whispered. His brother was broken and sprawled across what used to be the altar. Anger gripped him at seeing how still the kid was. _He better not be…_

But he couldn't bear the thought. Instead he pushed himself inside and helped Castiel in. Crowley was the first one to notice them. Dean wasn't sure if he'd seen right but he wondered if it was relief that he'd seen in the demon's eyes. Then Metatron turned around.

Dean tried to take in how much damage was made to his brother but it was hard from the distance and he wouldn't risk a move that would make things worse with the angel.

"You better hope he's okay because if he's not, I swear I will hunt you down" Dean promised the angel. His voice was so low and dangerous that Metatron shivered. He cut his eyes at the oldest Winchester and then noticed his companion.

"Castiel… are you here to admire what I could accomplish with your help? You'll be rewarded for that!" he announced.

The former angel frowned. "You hurt my friends so if I were you, I'd hope we don't meet again" Castiel proposed but the angel felt the threat behind that comment. He smiled.

"Whatever you say, old friend. There is nothing you can do to me now" he said and then looked at the youngest Winchester with an amused smile. "You can't get to me but it's not all. You can't help the kid either" he added.

Castiel felt himself boil from the inside. As if he didn't know that he would be useless to Sam and Dean. It was one more thing to feel guilty about and that's what made him hate himself at that moment.

"You, son of a bitch…" Castiel growled. Metatron chuckled.

"Come on, brother. Don't bring mom into this! This is between you and I"

"I will end you" Castiel menaced. The angel smirked.

"That's if you can find me" he said before vanishing with a rustle of wings.

It took a few seconds for everyone in the room to take in what just happened and then without further thought, Dean ran to Sam's side. Castiel followed him and stopped when he reached Crowley.

"Have you been crying?" he asked bluntly. Crowley turned his head away to hide his face.

"It's funny how you don't seem so scary anymore" he added to the demon's attention.

"What about you? You don't look so cocky anymore without your wings" Crowley sniffled. He would have liked it to come out differently but something in him was different. His heart wasn't into it or something.

Dean was kneeling next to Sam and trying to determine how bad it was. He growled at Castiel, pushing him to give him a hand lifting up the kid. Castiel obliged and they moved Sam to the floor. The former angel watched the big brother turn into mother-hen mode.

Sam was cold and still. His face was pale but dark rings under his eyes stood out from the contrast and his lips were turning blue. Blood trickled from a cut on the side of his head – probably from hitting it on the altar when he fell. Dean didn't have to see the kid's back to know it would be bruised and there was always the risk of internal damage. Sam possibly had bruised ribs – maybe some of them would even be broken from the impact. Dean leaned in to monitor his brother's breathing. At first he thought the kid wasn't because of how shallow it was. _But it was there_.

"That's my boy. You keep breathing Sammy. You'll be okay, I'll take care of you" he murmured for his unconscious brother to hear. He then searched for a pulse at the base of the kid's neck. It was weak and too erratic to Dean's liking. A bad feeling crept inside his stomach.

He finally looked up to see Castiel who waited anxiously. "Is he going to be okay?" he asked.

Dean shook his head and closed his eyes.

"He needs a hospital" he admitted.

"But Dean, you know they can't do anything for him!" Castiel reminded the hunter.

"They might not be able to make him better but they can keep him alive. That would give us some time to figure out a way to fix this!" Dean explained his reasoning. The former angel nodded.

"Do what you have to, Dean. You're his brother. You know what's best for him!"

The Winchester nodded. He hated feeling like he wasn't competent enough to help his brother. He would do anything for the kid but this was out of his league. Sam was already in bad shape when he got to him in the first place and that was before Metatron messed with him. Now he looked gone already and Dean wouldn't have that; not on his watch.

"If there was anything I could do I would, but look at him, Cas. He looks…" but he couldn't bring himself to say it. Castiel understood and nodded.

"Then let's head over to the hospital before it gets any worse. He's already slipping away from us…" he stated. Dean nodded. "Then I'll need your help" he confessed.

Castiel felt his lips tug into a grin. Dean was asking _his_ help with Sam. After everything they had been through with Naomi and his mission to regain the angel tablet even if it meant killing Dean – which he had tried to do. He was glad that his friend was ready to trust him again, even with the most precious thing he had in life – _Sam._

Or was it because Dean was really scared that Sam wouldn't make it that he was ready to do anything, even if it meant trusting him again? Whatever the reason was, Castiel was more than happy to help because over the years, he'd grown to really appreciate his bond with the brothers – even though sometimes it put him through more trouble than anything.

He then thought of how many times he needed help and how the brothers would offer it to him. They would not let him down even when he had deceived them in so many ways. A pang of guilt built inside him. They deserved so much more than this. He felt as though he had failed them once more and now Sam might not make it and he was stupid enough to let his grace be stolen.

Dean seemed to read the building guilt radiating from the former angel.

"Stop it already, you understand me? I can hear you beating yourself up from where I stand and I hate to say that now's not the time. We'll deal with this later! Right now Sam needs help and I'm counting on you so don't let me down" Dean spat.

Castiel looked up and expected to see anger across wide green eyes. Instead, they were full of fear and pain. Dean didn't mean to hurt him. He was just worried over his head and wanted to get moving.

Castiel wondered if this is what it was to be human. The pain and the fear were something he knew as an angel but they were just ideas. As of now, he felt a strange feeling inside his gut and it made him feel sick. _Is that what it physically feels like to be scared?_ _Having emotions sucks!_

And just when he thought about that, Castiel remembered a time when Sam had no soul and he was ready to kill Bobby to keep it away from him. _It's that pain he was running away from_ Castiel realized. And suddenly he could understand why.

"Cas! Jesus, snap out of it and help me get him to the car!" Dean ordered.

They grabbed the boy and started moving him and Crowley made them remember he was still there.

"Are you going to untie me?" he asked. Dean's face was careless. "You wouldn't leave me here?" he added.

"That's a thought" Dean started. Crowley cleared his throat as he watched the two men struggle with a lanky unconscious giant.

"You're going to drive him to the ER?" the demon asked. Dean looked at him and impatient anger flashed in his eyes.

"Well, obviously!" he snapped.

Crowley sighed and shook his head. "Moose is never going to make it like that!" he started.

Dean and Castiel stopped again and turned back to the demon.

"What do you mean?" It was Castiel's turn to speak. Crowley had hit a sensitive spot and inwardly smiled.

"You've seen the shape he's in? You'll never get him there in time!" the demon continued.

"What options do we have?" Dean yelled, growing really fidgety. He would start throwing punches if his brother didn't so desperately need him.

"You have me" the demon stated as if it was obvious.

"What are you saying?" Castiel asked, sensing how Dean was about to blow.

"If you untie me, I'll zap you to the ER" he proposed. Dean shook his head frantically but Castiel showed interest in the proposition.

"How do we know you're not just going to kill us all?" he asked for precautions.

"I don't like to see the kid suffer when it's not from my hand" the demon replied.

Dean would have shot the demon between the eyes if he wasn't holding an unconscious and possibly dying brother in his arms.

"We untie you, you get us there and then we don't want to see you again or you're a dead man!" Castiel shot. Crowley nodded but Dean growled.

"No way! Forget it!" he spat but Castiel turned pleading eyes to him.

"Dean, he's right. We either trust him or we risk losing Sam for good" he stated. Dean swallowed. "We've wasted enough time as it is" the former angel added. Dean nodded and agreed with a few forbidden words being lost on the way.

Castiel lowered Sam down gently and reached over to the demon. He untied the chains and broke the lines of the pentagram that was painted on the floor. Crowley rubbed his wrists and stretched his neck, unconsciously rubbing his fingers were syringe marks were starting to fade.

He walked over to the three men and nodded.

"Ready to save Moose?" he asked. The others nodded. Crowley placed his hands on Dean's and Castiel's shoulders and closed his eyes.

In an instant – and with a nauseous feeling – the hunter and the former angel were surrounded by noises. They weren't at the church anymore, that much was obvious. They opened scared eyes to find out that there were in an ER. Nurses in colored scrubs ran from one spot to the other, carrying papers or pushing stretchers and wheelchairs.

Dean looked down to see Sam's slumped form in his arms. His brother's condition hadn't improved – it had probably worsened even. It took a few seconds for them to react.

Then a nurse came over to them, screaming orders behind her shoulder.

"Is he okay? What's his name? How long as he been unconscious? Is he breathing?"

And the questions went on as a team of nurses rolled a stretcher over to them where they laid his little brother. Dean could hardly catch his breath to give information to the main nurse. He was staring as his brother was being wheeled away from him. A team of medics followed into the room and Dean shivered at sensing once more how serious the situation was.

_I should have taken you to the ER so long ago! I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you! Sammy, I'm so sorry. But please don't go. You can't leave me… please, Sammy! I'm so so so sorry. Please brother. _

_Can you forgive me?_

**TBC**

**That's it for now. I don't think the story will be really long but it'll go on as long as the ideas keep coming and as long as you guys like it, of course so please if you could take the time to let me know what you think, it would be extremely appreciated. It takes two seconds and it would really make me happy! **

**Thanks for reading and til next time, take care of yourselves!**


	2. Taking care of Sam

**AN : I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone of you who took the time to review, follow and even favorite this story! I was nervous at the idea of posting a tag to season's 8 finale but I'm happy that you guys seem to enjoy my twist. I have NO idea of what's going to happen in season 9 but thank you for letting me try to write something coherent to the show and good at the same time. **

**I hope this second chapter still makes you want to follow my story! Don't hesitate to tell me what you think (in a constructive way of course if it has to be negative!)**

**So here it is, the new chapter of **_**Prayers for rain**_

**OoO**

Kevin Tran was exhausted and fed up of this life. For six long months, he'd been pushing himself too hard but still hoping that his efforts would serve him well. He practically never slept and fed himself of hot dogs and anxiety meds. His body had given out on him several times but his mind was fully into it.

Why wouldn't he let go of translating the demon tablet? Simple. He was so tired of this life that he just wanted it to be over. He even found himself regretting the time he stressed over high school and Princeton entry letters. Back in the days, his lifestyle was similar in a way but so different, and things were so much simpler.

He would be busy practicing his numerous extra-curricular activities while still trying to study and keep his straight A's title in high school. All of that was supposed to bring him to Princeton. His most unbelievable dream was to be the first Asian-American President of the United States.

But this dream and this old life died the day he was struck by lightning and became a prophet of the Lord. Being the only one who could decipher the word of God, Angels and Demons were after him, trying to pull him on their team to annihilate the other. All that tug-O-war fighting had exhausted him.

And then he'd teamed with the Winchesters who'd promised him he would be safe and could get back to his old life once he'd translated the demon tablet. So he spent six months and more lost time on this thing. That task had cost him his girlfriend and his mother, in addition to killing his hope of having a normal life again.

But he still believed the Winchesters and after putting the two halves of the tablet together again, he thought it would finally be possible. Dean had given him the key to the Bat Cave so he could hide while they took care of their deal with Crowley. Kevin had enjoyed the peace of the cave, only for it to be short-lived.

Indeed, not long after he'd left the two brothers and settled comfortably in the cave, Dean came barging in with Castiel on his heels and they ordered him to sit down and translate the angel tablet. Dean insisted that it was an emergency and Kevin only thought how impossible that sounded since it had taken him six months to read through the demon tablet and now he only had six hours to reveal the angel tablet's secrets. He wanted to say no and retrieve from the task but Castiel made it clear that there was no way out of this life. Ever.

_You'll always be a prophet of the Lord. Always and forever… well until you cease to exist…_

And Kevin almost laughed at the irony. He'd given his life away for this task, how could he assume that he would not give it away literally in the end?

Out of other options, he sat at the same desk all day, trying to read the tablet as fast as he could but the task proved to be complex. And then Dean called again and informed him that Metatron's trials were part of a spell. The revelation was too sudden for him to check for the validity of it through the numerous symbols carved on the tablet. And Dean said he'd take care of everything.

Tired or racking his brain without being reinforced for it, Kevin decided to let go. He was upset and exhausted and fed up with Dean's orders that never came with a thank you. He decided that this had to end and gathered his belongings into his pack. He steadied himself and firmly climbed the steps that led to the exit. He was leaving _for good_.

As he reached the ledge of the second floor, alarms started blaring around him while lights flashed red. He spun over towards the inside of the room only to see bright orange alarm lights turn on from the middle table that had a map of the world painted on it. _Invasion? What's going on?_

And out of curiosity, he ran outside only to meet the sad spectacle that the falling angels offered. He ran further down the path to try to understand what was happening. He could see them fully now. The angels fell from the sky, wings burning off as they sped towards their impending crash.

Panic gripped him and he suddenly forgot all about why he was mad at Dean in the first place. After several minutes of being frozen by fear, he decided to call the hunter. Dean didn't pick up for several times as Kevin redialed his number after each couple of minutes that went by without news from the oldest Winchester.

The prophet waited some more when he finally heard the click of someone picking up on the other line.

"Dean?" he asked after a few seconds of silence had passed.

"_Kevin_?" came the soft reply from the phone. The prophet could tell right away that something horrible must have happened. Dean would usually answer in a snappy or cocky kind of way. Only this time, his voice sounded weak and broken.

"Yeah, it's me. What's going on outside? I mean… the angels…" he started but Dean cut him up abruptly. Okay so normal Dean was back now.

"_Kevin, you better not tell me you went outside! I told you to stay in the Bat Cave. It's safer there and must I remind you that demons are still after you?!_ " Dean snapped. The prophet swallowed.

"I'm sorry, Dean. It didn't know what to do! Alarms went off in the cave and I just wanted to see what was going on" he replied, totally oblivious to the fact that the first time he decided to get out was to leave for good.

"_Well now you know so get back inside before you get caught_!" Dean ordered.

Kevin announced that he was on his way back and indeed started back to the entrance of the cave. He hadn't realized how far he'd gotten until he had to return to the place.

"So what Naomi said was true? Metatron really cast the angels out of heaven? " Kevin finally asked.

Dean sighed. "_Yeah he did, so as soon as you start translating that angel tablet, we might be able to find a way to reverse it_!"

Kevin suddenly wanted to avoid the subject, feeling guilty about his previous anger. He might not become President but he could still be a hero in a way, if he managed to translate the tablet and help the Winchesters get back at Metatron.

"How's Sam, by the way?" Kevin asked, going back to how Dean sounded desperate when he first picked up.

There was a long silence on the line. "Dean?" Kevin asked, partly to make sure Dean was still on the line.

"_Not good_…" he finally admitted. A sense of fear clutched at Kevin's insides. If Dean was so desperate then it probably was _really_ not good. Then again, Dean was on the edge instantly whenever something happened to Sam.

"Is he…" Kevin started but Dean was too overwhelmed with emotions to do small talk about it, especially when the prophet had better things to do – like go find a way to reverse this.

"_He's alive but there are tough times ahead and angels could maybe help except they're having technical difficulties right now so what do you say – you let me get back to Sam and you go translate that tablet_!" Dean snapped. Kevin would have snapped back but he could tell that Dean was just desperate to find a way to help his brother.

"Alright, I'll get back to…" Kevin started when he came face to face with someone. That someone had been waiting for him and greeted him with a smile.

"Hello, prophet" Metatron greeted with an evil grin. Kevin's breath caught in his throat and he could hardly hear Dean's muffled screams calling his name through the phone.

"There is some place I need you to come with me to" he said and grabbed the boy's shoulders before he could do anything. His cell dropped from his hand and shattered when it collided with the cold cement of the road.

OoO

"Kevin? KEVIN?" Dean yelled into his phone. He still received no response. He could hear that Kevin suddenly had company and after a cracking noise, the line died.

Dean stood outside the ER doors and panted as he checked his phone as if not believing what had just happened. Castiel came from behind him and instantly frowned at the look on the Winchester's face.

"Was that Kevin? What happened" he asked.

Dean shook his head in disbelief. "I think Metatron got to him" he replied softly through hissing breaths. Castiel's eyes widened with shock. "Did he take the angel tablet with him?" he asked.

Dean shrugged. "I don't know but what's the point of having the angel tablet if we don't have Kevin to translate it?" Dean stated. The former angel could only nod in response. Dean sighed and looked down.

"We'll look for him later. As of now, did you get any news on Sam?" he asked softly. Castiel shook his head.

"Not since you went out. They took the forms and I guess they're doing their job now" Castiel replied.

Dean let out a long, nervous sigh. Before he could control it, his eyes humidified with tears. His hands were shaking badly and he tried to hide it by wrapping his arms tightly around his chest, the gesture also allowing him some kind of security.

"I can't lose him…" Dean started, his voice barely above a whisper. His whole body was shaking now.

Castiel stood there for a second, trying to think of what humans do when they need comfort. He thought back to Sam and Dean and tried to remember what they would do to make it better whenever one was hurt or scared. And then awkwardly, he reached over to Dean and wrapped his arms around his sobbing shoulders.

Dean was surprised by the gesture but he wouldn't refuse the comfort and let himself lose some tension in his friend's embrace. After a while, he pulled back and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hands.

"Thanks, Cas. Uh… maybe we should get back inside, you know… in case they call us" he proposed. Castiel nodded and a proud smile tugged at his lips. _Being human is not so bad after all_.

OoO

Sam was quickly wheeled inside an examination room and a backboard was placed under his body so he lay on it. A nurse tilted his head back and examined his airway. When she saw it wasn't obstructed, she leaned in to feel for breathing. "Breathing is rapid and shallow" she informed the others. Another slipped a mask on the unconscious patient's face.

After that, Sam was hooked to several monitors to assess his vitals, such as his pulse, blood pressure and respiration rate. More medics came through the room and they hooked an IV line to Sam's arm. That's when they noticed the needle marks and the bite on his left arm. They frowned but now was not the time to focus on the little details. "Skin is cold and clammy. We need to get him started on saline stat"

"What's his LOC?*" one medic asked. Another got closer to the bed and started assessing Sam's level of consciousness. She checked the file and turned to her patient.

"Sam?" she asked. "Sam, would you open your eyes for me?" she asked. Sam remained still. The nurse started calling for him again, only this time, she tapped his cheek lightly. Sam grunted slightly. The nurse then traced down Sam's abdomen that had been ridden of his shirt a few moments ago and she pressed to find his sternum. She accidently made pressure on his ribs and Sam groaned louder this time, his face contorting in pain and his eyes opening to slits. The nurse looked back at him and their eyes met for a second but Sam's were dazed and unfocused.

"Sam? Sam, can you hear me?" she asked.

Sam blinked heavily and let his head roll on the bed, not showing by any means that he heard her. A man was retrieving blood from his right arm in order to send it to the lab. Sam blinked sluggishly.

"Sam, squeeze my fingers if you can hear me" the nurse ordered, grabbing Sam's left hand, noticing the swelling. Sam didn't look at her and didn't squeeze back. His eyes seemed to be frantically searching for something he couldn't find.

"D'n…" he slurred, the mask fogging as he breathed deeply.

"I'm sorry, Sam but I didn't hear what you said" the nurse insisted, trying to get him to respond as she shone a light into his eye. "Pupils are unequal and GCS* is about 10" she informed the others.

Then without an obvious reason or external pain stimulus, Sam's face scrunched up in pain and his hand flew awkwardly towards his chest. A soft cough escaped his lips and the nurse's panic increased when she saw droplets of blood leak from his lips before Sam succumbed again to the darkness.

"He's coughing blood!" she barked as another medic removed the mask from Sam's face and used a tube to suction the blood. He hissed when the tube went a little farther they he wanted it to and waited for a reaction. There was none.

"He's got no gagging reflex" he pointed out. The nurse near Sam called to him again and tapped him on the cheek but she got no response this time. "Sats are dropping dangerously" a colleague called out.

"He stopped breathing" the one who held the suctioning tube called out.

"Start bagging!" the one in charge yelled. "I've got no carotid pulse" he added, his fingers searching Sam's wrist. "He's coding! Get a crash cart stat!" he ordered. If people in the room weren't busy enough, now they were running around. "We need to intubate, now!"

And as soon as it was said and done, the bagging resumed as well as the manual chest compressions that tried to keep Sam's heart beating. "Give him 1 mg of Epinephrine" the one in charge barked while the crash team came in with the cart.

"1 mg of Epinephrine is in" a nurse called. Another one was listening to Sam's breathing with a stethoscope. "There's pleural rub" he called. "And he's running a low-grade fever" another one called.

The doctor in charge sighed. "Add this to the hemoptysis* and these are signs that all point to PE*. As soon as he's got a pulse, I want a CT scan. As of now, give him a unit of Heparin" he ordered.

"One unit of Heparin is in" the nurse called.

Then the crash team took over and just as the doctor ordered, Sam was wheeled for a CT scan as soon as his heart resumed its beating.

OoO

Dean had been waiting for too long. His nerves were threatening to give out but his determination to see his brother kept him from falling apart. He was pacing in the waiting room, digging circular tracks in the linoleum floor. Castiel was sitting in front of him, nervously tugging at the sleeves on his signature trench coat.

He was lost in his thoughts to a time where he could've just zapped into Sam's room and healed him from the pain the kid was into. Even if he did share a more profound bond with Dean, seeing Sam so lifeless in the church made his stomach churn. He also couldn't stand to see Dean so desperate.

Although his patience seemed to be infinite, he was getting restless too, especially from watching Dean turning around with his arms crossed tightly. He just couldn't bring himself to stop his friend because he knew just how much Dean was hurting. Deep down, he was hurting too because for once, there was nothing he could do to fix things. Dean used to rely on him so much and he was always glad to help.

Only this time, there was nothing he could do because he wasn't an angel anymore. If he hadn't listened to Metatron, he would still be an angel and he could help Dean. But then again, he thought that if Metatron hadn't been caught by Naomi while working with him, she wouldn't have gotten into his brain to find out what his true intention was and maybe Sam would be dead. He would've completed the trials and died just as Metatron wanted him to. _Well there's your silver lining. _

Part of his guilt disappeared at the thought but he still felt bad about being a human. Actually, he felt more useless now that he couldn't save the day. And deep down, he feared that Dean would be angry at him for that. After a while the oldest Winchester sat down next to him.

"It's about time you stop digging holes in the ground" Castiel chuckled though there was no malice intended in his comment.

"I can't help it. They're not saying anything and it's killing me!" Dean admitted. Castiel nodded then stared at a very special spot on the floor to avoid Dean's gaze.

"I'm sorry I can't be of any use to you" he confessed. Dean looked at him and the former angel had to abandon his spot on the floor to meet Dean's eyes.

"Hey, you're not useless. You're here and it's all that matters. Of course you're an idiot for being so naïve and letting that _douchebag_ trick you" Dean half-joked. Castiel looked down in shame. Dean wanted to chuckle when a nurse came up to them.

"Family of Samuel Winchester?" she asked. Dean nodded and he was up and in front of her in seconds.

"It's Sam. How's my brother" he asked seriously and concerned. She offered a sympathetic smile and nodded towards Castiel.

"Perhaps we should use one of the conference rooms. We'll be more comfortable to talk about Sam" she proposed. Dean only nodded in a lack of other options and she led them to a room where they wouldn't be interrupted.

There was a table in the middle of the room and the lady motioned for Dean and Castiel to have a seat. She then closed the door behind them and sat at the table, on the other side of them so she could face the two while she spoke.

"I'm Doctor Jennings and I'm assisting doctor Philips in the treatment of your brother, Sam" she introduced. Dean gave her a quick look up and down and finally decided that she looked like someone he could trust.

"I'm Dean and this is… Cas" Dean said, just hesitating a moment before giving the physician the former angel's full name. He finally decided against it to avoid suspicion, thinking that Sam's care would already be odd enough.

"How is he?" Dean asked once more, having not gotten his answer the first time around.

"Well Dean, you look like an intelligent man and I don't see the point of lying to you so here it is. Feel free to stop me if there's anything you want me to further explain to you" she started. Dean nodded.

"Well ok" he said hesitantly but eager to hear news from his brother.

"Sam's condition is critical although we've managed to stabilize him". She waited a moment to see if he would react but Dean seemed to be waiting for her to continue. Usually, the word _critical_ set the other families on the crisis mode but Dean seemed to agree with her. At that moment, she wondered just how much those boys had been through. She knew from the moment she laid eyes on Sam that he was different. She could get the same feeling now from the two men in the room.

Without interruption from them, she continued her report. "From what you told us when you came in here, Sam got into a fight or something?" she asked. Dean nodded.

"Or something…" he said softly. The doctor frowned for a second but she didn't push it.

"Well your brother sustained numerous injuries on different levels. Starting with the shallow injuries; Sam has lacerations and bruises on different parts of his body. We had to stitch a small cut on the side of his head but this one should heal nicely. He also has bruised ribs but none of them seem to be broken. It might be painful for a while but it should heal as well. Now I'm curious about some strange marks on his left arm. He has clearly been bitten so we gave him a shot to prevent rabies. He also had a straight cut in his left palm. It's not that deep but it had to be cleaned and stitched. Now the most curious marks we've found look like needle marks…" she started, making an opening for Dean to stop her from reporting all of Sam's injuries. He knew what was coming either way. She would wonder if any of the wounds were self inflicted.

"I'm stopping you right there – no, my brother doesn't do drugs!" Dean interrupted.

"With all due respect, Dean, you have to understand my concern about those marks" she started but Dean was sending her a cold glare now and she swallowed, deciding against messing with Dean. She could see right away that the man was overprotective of his brother and she feared the outburst he would have if she so much as disagreed with him on Sam's case.

She tried to regain her composure – _God how can that guy be so attractive but so scary at the same time _– and decided to go on. "Sam has also sprained his left wrist. As soon as the swelling goes down, it should be fine" she finished. The two men both nodded and an awkward silence settled in. Doctor Jennings hated to be the bearer of bad news but she had to make a full report to the family and facing Dean wasn't something she felt comfortable with at that moment.

Castiel watched the silent battle between the two others and cleared his throat. "But you said those were the shallow injuries? What about the serious ones? " he asked. Dean turned to him and silently thanked him from snapping them out of their silent war. The doctor cleared her throat and she suddenly seemed more nervous.

"Sam must have hit his head when he got that cut because he appears to have a moderate concussion. It doesn't seem to be a dangerous one but it did affect his consciousness and awareness. He woke up briefly when he was in the exam room and he didn't respond to verbal command. Instead he seemed to be searching for something and mumbled things we couldn't comprehend" she explained.

"My guess is he was aware of what was happening but he wouldn't oblige because he didn't see his brother anywhere" Castiel murmured. Dean looked at him and something warm filled him up. At this moment he was more than happy to have his friend with him.

"I don't think Sam was able to tell where he was or what was happening because of the concussion but as I said, it doesn't appear to be a dangerous one and he should get better with some serious resting" she pushed.

The two men exchanged glances and the doctor couldn't fathom the meaning. She decided to continue.

"What we worry about right now is the damage to Sam's lungs and heart" she started and that immediately got all the attention on her.

"Damage? What are you talking about?" Dean asked, his voice filled with a new edge.

"Well, Sam was in respiratory distress when he was brought in. The lack of oxygen to his organs is what we will have to monitor in order to determine the gravity of the situation. As Sam came in, he had very rapid and shallow breathing. Now, the intake of oxygen when we breathe is what feeds the organs and allows the blood to circulate through the body and to the brain. Depending on how long Sam has been deprived of oxygen, his blood would have had a hard time traveling up to his organs and brain, which could lead to failure in the future. It could also lead to brain damage if he didn't get enough oxygen to his brain" she explained and then let some time for the news to sink in.

"Damage? Failure? But what can you do about that?" Dean asked, panic evident in his voice.

"For now the best we can do is to monitor his condition and provide him maximum oxygenation until his body his strong enough to take over by itself" she answered truthfully. Dean sighed.

"But why? What caused it?" he asked.

"Well, we can't say for sure until we've ran some serious tests but it seems your brother suffered a pulmonary embolism. Basically, a clot of blood would have formed into his lung and obstructed an artery, which would explain the hemoptysis, the chest pain, the difficulty breathing and the low-grade fever" she explained.

Dean frowned. "Hemo… what?" he asked, confused.

"Hemoptysis" the doctor repeated. "It's the presence of blood when one has a cough" she answered.

Dean's eyes widened. "You know that he's been coughing blood?" he asked. It was her turn to frown.

"Well, he did cough blood while we examined him, why? Has he been coughing up blood before?" she asked.

Dean hesitated but he knew he had to give her the answer if he wanted her to help his brother.

"Yeah, he's been coughing blood for weeks" he admitted. Her eyes widened.

"Has he been sick or in an accident that could have involved a trauma to his chest?" she asked, concerned.

Dean wanted to snap now. _No he's been trying to shut the doors of hell_!

"I don't know. He's had a fever though. At some point it got so high I had to cool it with ice water" he confessed. The doctor looked at him suspiciously.

"Why didn't you bring him to the ER?" she asked.

Dean thought about how he found Sam passed out in their hotel room and had to drag him to a tub full of ice to cool his ass down or, as he put it, Sam was _toast_.

"I wanted to, trust me. But Sam, he's so goddamned stubborn sometimes" he admitted with a sad grin.

She nodded. "Well, next time, bring him in as soon as he starts having symptoms" she advised. Dean only nodded.

"As of now, we've taken him for a CT scan to confirm our diagnosis and to make sure there isn't internal damage that we didn't see. Mostly, our other concern is that before we realized the presence of the embolism, Sam went into respiratory arrest. His blood pressure was already low and with the sudden absence of oxygen, your brother went into cardiac arrest" she admitted painfully. The look that crossed Dean's face was even more painful. Technically speaking his brother _had_ died.

"But we've managed to get his heart beating again and as I said earlier, we put him on mechanical oxygenation to allow him the best chances at recovering" she explained. Dean looked as though he'd taken a beating.

"Does that mean he could still die?" he asked shakily. The doctor sighed.

"He's not out of the woods yet but as soon as we have a better idea of his condition, we can give him the best care and hope for a full recovery" she admitted truthfully.

"_Will he_ make a full recovery?" Dean asked, afraid of a negative answer but needing to hear it anyway.

"We won't know for sure before we know the full extent of the damage but it's not a reason not to have faith" she said. Dean looked at her and he was balanced between being angry or happy that she spoke about faith.

"And you say that right now he's having a scan or something?" Dean finally spoke. She looked at her watch.

"Technically, yes. Unless it's over already. He'll be moved to the ICU whenever it's over so I'll tell the nurses over there that I sent you to their waiting room and they'll get you when you can see him" she replied.

"Thanks" Dean smiled. She returned it and he decided that he liked her after all because she seemed to care enough about his brother to make sure he would be able to see him.

"If you need anything, just have someone page me" she added.

Dean nodded and he left the room slowly with Castiel following close by. They walked in silence and followed the arrows that pointed in the direction of the ICU. Dean was stiff and Castiel didn't want to startle him, just in case the Winchester decided to take it out on him.

Dean finally made an abrupt stop and started shaking. Castiel thought of the only thing he knew would make his friend feel better. He wrapped him in a hug and whispered soothing prayers into Dean's ear.

_It's okay Dean, Sam is going to be okay._ And Dean really wanted to believe it was true.

They finally made it to the ICU waiting room and waited. Dean lost track of time after the first hour. Castiel had gone on a few caffeine runs. After a few coffees, Dean was more than awake and mostly nervous. A nurse finally came in, calling for them. As they joined her, they saw Doctor Jennings coming out of a room. She noticed them too and took over from there.

"So are you ready to see Sam?" she asked.

"Are you really asking that question, doc?" Dean snapped. Any other day, he would have flirted with her but now he was in no mood to joke.

"Right, I bet you are. Sorry. I have to update you on Sam's condition before you go in though" she warned. Dean frowned. The doctor noticed and took it as a _go on_.

"The CT scan indeed revealed a pulmonary embolism and we managed to see the dissolving clot. We will keep monitoring it but we had to reduce his dose of Heparin, which is the medication we use to thin the blood and which usually results in a dissolving of the clot" she explained.

"Okay but if it does that, why did you reduce it?" Dean asked.

"Because the CT also showed that your brother has pulmonary contusions. Those are bruises on the lungs and they are caused by accumulation of blood in the lung tissue. Now you told me Sam has been coughing up blood for a while. That explains it somehow. What I still don't understand though is how he got the bruises! He must have had a pretty blunt trauma to his chest and I believe that is something you would have noticed" she admitted.

Dean paled. Castiel noticed the tension and decided to step in since Dean seemed to be at a loss of words.

"You mean he's bleeding inside his lungs?" he asked. The doctor nodded.

"But how do you treat that?" he asked.

"Well, the bruises eventually heal on their own. For now the best we can do is replace the fluids and make sure Sam has enough oxygen to heal properly. We'll be monitoring his state closely which is why we'd rather have him in the ICU. Now we just have to make sure that the meds we are giving him for the clot don't make him bleed out more or we'll have a serious situation" she informed them.

"Is that likely to happen?" Castiel asked. She shrugged.

"We never know, every patient reacts differently to treatments. We'll monitor him closely to make sure it doesn't happen" she assured. Castiel nodded and turned to Dean who seemed to have regained a little composure. _Knowing Winchester's luck – or lack of…_

"Oh, and just so you know" the doctor finally added, "we've checked his head and there are no signs of hemorrhage or skull fracture" she announced, offering them a slight smile.

"That's good news" Castiel chimed. Dean nodded softly but he was still feeling strange.

"He's still unconscious for now, but we sedated him for now so it's to be expected. We want to let him rest and we want to have him on mechanical respiration for a while" she explained.

Again, the two nodded and they finally made it to the door that was probably leading to Sam's room. Doctor Jennings stopped and gave them a comforting smile.

"There he is. If there's anything, just page me or hit the emergency button" she said.

They thanked her and walked into the room. Dean wanted to crawl. He'd seen Sam through a lot of horrible situations. He'd stitched the kid numerous times and removed tons of bullets. Only, he'd never been on vigil when his brother lay unconscious in a hospital bed. Dean shivered. His brother was so pale and still it scared him. _And there are so many wires – is my brother doing so bad he needs all of those to even breathe?_

Castiel sensed Dean's nervousness and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Dean didn't allow himself to break down. He would do it in the hallway or in the waiting room but never in front of Sam. His brother didn't need to sense his fear. He pulled a chair up next to the bed and contemplated the scene.

Sam was still pale, although Dean could see some color returning which made him happy. Sam's left arm was bandaged up to his wrist. Dean remembered the doctor telling them it was sprained. His eyes then focused on the IV lines and the multiple bags hanging from the poles. He then tracked down the cardiac monitor and the wires attached to it and to Sam's chest. He finally looked up to the kid's face, half occupied by the ventilator. Sam was very still which wasn't something Dean was used to because the kid was always moving around even when he slept. Finally, his eyes rested on the cut that had been stitched on the side of Sam's head. He noticed how the chestnut locks seemed to stick to Sam's head from the apparent sheen of sweat. 

Dean sighed and decided that the best he could do was to grab his brother's hand. He just needed Sam to know that he was there. He also wanted him to know that he was ready to wait for Sam to get better.

Castiel stayed upright, leaning against the wall facing Sam's bed. Dean only had attention for Sam now and the former angel couldn't blame him.

"Hey, Sammy! I'm here. You keep fighting, bro. Take all the time you need to get better and don't worry, I'm not leaving you" Dean comforted. Castiel felt a smile tug at his lips. He couldn't resist such brotherly bonding.

They stayed that way for a while, just being content of the others' presence. Then a doctor came in. It was one neither Dean nor Castiel had seen before.

"I'm Doctor Philips, the other doctor assigned to your brother's case" he greeted. They both stood and greeted him. Dean remembered Doctor Jennings mentioning the name of the other doctor when she introduced herself.

"There is something I need to show you two" he said, turning the light on a white board and hanging scan results so they could see.

Dean frowned. They were his brother's scans but how was he supposed to understand what the doctor wanted to show him? He wasn't a doctor himself.

And then the man pointed to something odd. Dean frowned.

"This is a scan of Sam's heart. If you look closely, there is something there… we were just wondering if you had an idea what it could be…" the doctor explained.

Dean looked at it closely. _It seems… no it can't be… it's like… it looks like a supernatural symbol… but what does it mean?_

Dean shrugged. He couldn't tell the doctor what he thought it was so he played dumb. Castiel had been studying the symbol as well. He sent a look at Dean and the oldest Winchester caught it in Castiel's eyes that the former angel knew what this was. They both decided to play dumb and swear that they didn't know.

"Maybe it's just tricks of the machine" Dean proposed.

"Yeah, maybe" the doctor agreed but didn't seem convinced. He sent the men suspicious looks before leaving, asking the boys to tell them if anything came to mind. The boys only nodded and waited to be alone in the room. Dean then turned to Castiel with expectant eyes.

"What is it?" he pressed. Castiel looked down.

"I'm not sure, Dean…" he started.

"What are you not sure it is, then?" Dean formulated.

Castiel hesitated for a moment. Dean wanted to grab Castiel and shake it out of him.

"It looks like a binding spell" the former angel finally said.

"Binding spell? To what?" Dean asked nervously, hating the suspense Castiel was putting on him.

Castiel took another moment and decided to speak before he choked on it.

"To death"

OoO

* LOC = Level of consciousness

* GCS = Glasgow Coma Scale

* Hemoptysis = coughing blood

*PE = Pulmonary embolism

**TBC**

**Ok that's it for not. This idea came up and well, it'll be explained more in the next chapters. What do you think? Please don't hesitate to review! I love reading what you guys have to say! **

**Oh and there are no pairings in this story. Just tons of brotherly love and friendship! Also, all medical facts are researched but then again I'm not a doctor so if anything doesn't make sense, let me know as well as how I can make it better!**

**Stay tuned for more!**

**Thanks again for those who reviewed last time and thank you to all of you who took the time to read!**

**Take care!**

LaueHime


	3. Afterlife encounter

_Castiel hesitated for a moment. Dean wanted to grab the former angel and shake it out of him._

_"It looks like a binding spell" he finally said. _

_"Binding spell? To what?" Dean asked nervously, hating the suspense Castiel was putting on him._

_Castiel finally decided to speak. "To death" _

Dean stared at the former angel with wide eyes. For an instant, he just couldn't muster the strength to voice anything. A chill went down his back and he turned to the face the hospital bed in almost slow motion. Sam laid still, his condition unchanged. Dean swallowed deeply and turned back to Castiel.

"What does that mean, exactly?" he found the power to ask. Castiel sighed and shook his head slowly.

"I'm not sure of anything but it looks as if something or someone put a binding spell on Sam so Death would always be just a step away from him" he resumed.

Dean clenched his fists and the muscles in his jaw tightened visibly. "Metatron" he breathed and accompanied it with a murderous growl.

"That would be my guess, although I wonder if this was done recently or if the very first trial was the initial movement" Castiel started.

Dean shivered and remembered the night Sam had killed the Hellhound. That night had been the beginning of all this trials of Hell's nightmare. He was supposed to take on this one and let Sam live his apple pie dream life for good. But faithful to his self, Sam had taken on the Hellhound to protect Dean and ended up being the one engaged in the trials. The oldest Winchester winced as he saw his lifeless brother on his bed and remembered the screams of pain Sam let out when he spoke the first spell on that night.

Then what Sam said to him came into his mind and tried to make sense all together. _It's in me, Dean. You don't know what it feels like!_

He wondered if Sam had felt the binding. Did he feel how close Death was? Or was it something else, maybe. He wouldn't know for now because his little brother wasn't in a position to give answers to so many mysteries. The oldest remained quiet on the outside as thousands of thoughts rushed through his brain.

He felt as though he was thinking at a hundred miles per hour. Castiel was still standing in front of him and seemed to be trying desperately to decipher the expression on his face. Dean remained unreadable, lost in so many memories of Sam hurting more and more after each trial. He still thought this should have been on him and felt guilty for letting his brother go through this hell alone.

Sam was the one who had faith. He was the one who saw light at the end of this tunnel. Dean didn't and he still wondered if there was any. Anger built inside his gut and it took all the self control he had to not burst and destroy something.

"How can we destroy a binding spell?" he finally asked to Castiel's attention. The Brunette sighed.

"I haven't seen many cases similar to this one in my existence" the former angel started.

"But you did? What happened to the people who got the binding on?" Dean pressed.

Castiel sighed nervously and he looked away to avoid Dean's pleading eyes. The dark Blonde started to get impatient.

"I didn't get that" he finally spat, still waiting for the other one to reply.

Castiel's baby blues cast him a furtive glance before looking away once more. "They died" he whispered softly. Dean's shoulders dropped for a second, somehow as though he was giving up. Desperation leaked from his every pores but he steadied himself and tensed once more.

"There has to be something we can do" he tried, his voice trying to be strong enough to mask the plea that was implied in his statement.

"I honestly don't know, Dean. Besides, I'm human now" Castiel pointed out. The oldest Winchester sent him a glare.

"Thanks for cheering me up" he spat. Castiel sent him a confused look but he managed the read the sarcasm in that comment after seeing the look of anger on his friend's face. Then a few seconds later, something else flashed on Dean's face. The former angel was slow on reading the new emotion but it almost seemed like _hope_.

"I'm going to summon him" Dean snapped as though it had been right in front of him all along. Castiel frowned at that statement. "Death?" he asked perplexed.

Dean nodded and he started pacing once more, the same way he had done back in the waiting room when they were waiting for news regarding Sam's condition. Castiel wasn't sure where that habit came from or if it meant anything but he didn't like that it was making him dizzy.

"We did it before. We even found a binding spell to trap Death when we wanted him to kill you – only at that time we had all the ingredients and the spell too – oh and I remember about having to use this weird divine crystal as a part of the spell…" Dean rambled. Castiel's head was spinning now.

"You're giving me a headache" he said softly, pinching the bridge of his nose and for a second, Dean was reminded of Bobby and the way the older hunter would grunt and call him an idjit for messing with his head. Then his expression died down to a mournful pout. If only Bobby were still around, he'd know what to do. Sam could've done some research too only this time, he couldn't count on either of them because Bobby was dead and Sam might be heading towards the same fate.

Castiel noticed the change of energy radiating from the oldest Winchester. He could almost touch the tension around him as it was so heavy and suffocating. He acted on instinct and opened his arms to go wrap them around his friend, only Dean's reaction surprised him.

The Winchester pulled away in a tensed-up run-away motion. Castiel stared at him with a puzzled look and Dean appeared to be just as confused. "What the hell were you trying to do?" he jerked.

Castiel shrugged, perplexed, as if his intention had been obvious. "Hug" he stuttered simply.

"Yeah, thank you mister Obvious, I saw that but why the hell would you do that for?" he snapped.

The former angel was taken aback by Dean's sudden reaction and he suddenly found himself at a loss of words. "Well… I thought… you know… earlier…" he stuttered, his cheeks flushed from embarrassment.

"I only let you the first times because I was very… distraught… but I'm a man, Cas! We just don't… Personnal space, remember? " Dean tried to explain as manly as he could.

"But I thought… to show you that I got your back… " the former angel tried. Dean grimaced.

"I know you do, man. We're cool" he assured. Castiel nodded but he wasn't so sure. Then a small grin tugged at the corner of his lips.

"Were you afraid people would think you're hitting on me if you hug me back" he joked.

Dean's face turned into a full-on grimace. "What?! No! If I wanted to hit on you I'd ask you if it hurt" he started. Castiel was the one looking at him with a puzzled look now.

"If what hurt?" he frowned.

"When you fell from heaven…" Dean started then realized what he had just said. Castiel's face turned cold.

"If that's supposed to be a joke to you humans, I don't find the humor in it" he pointed out.

"Too soon" Dean announced.

They both stared at each other and somehow they felt the other's support even without showing it physically. Dean finally sighed and Castiel just knew what was coming next. The oldest Winchester had a plan but it wouldn't please him or anyone else.

"Since we don't have the spell and the ingredients to summon Death and since there is no way I'm leaving my brother alone, there aren't many options left to call upon our friend…" Dean started. Castiel read his friend but he really hoped that Dean wouldn't say what he thought he was going to say.

"There is one way I know that will work for sure…" the dark Blonde continued. Castiel started shaking his head. "No way, Dean. I'm not an angel anymore! What if something goes wrong?" the former angel spat.

The oldest Winchester shook his head sadly. "I have to try. It's the only way to try to save my brother" he explained. Castiel kept shaking his head disapprovingly but he didn't say a word.

"I have to find a way to die" Dean spoke. Castiel sent him a cold look. He didn't approve of the Winchester's plan but he couldn't come up with anything else.

"How are you going to do this?" Castiel asked, resigning himself to the knowledge that there was nothing he could do to stop a stubborn Winchester from sacrificing himself for his family.

"We're in a Hospital. We have to do it here. I'll find a way to make my heart stop long enough to speak with Death. You'll have to watch out for me. Then you call the doctors soon enough so they can bring me back before I die" Dean explained.

Castiel was shaking his head franticly now. "This is too dangerous" he pointed out.

Dean nodded. "I know but it's the only way" he replied. The former angel could read the fear in the other one's eyes. It didn't please Dean either but he would do anything for Sam. He'd died many times before to save his brother. He had even died in that same way once in order to bargain Sam's soul with Death. As a result, he had to wear the reaper's robe for a day. He remembered how it felt like and had honestly hoped he wouldn't have to do this again.

But then again, Winchester's luck really is none at all. Dean wondered what Death would want from him this time. He didn't feel like he had anything else to offer.

Castiel understood now that Dean was seriously going through with his plan and he too remembered Dean's little journey as a reaper. Resigned, he sighed and readied himself for his friend's commands.

Dean explained how he would proceed and what Castiel would have to do. Basically, the former angel would give him a minute before calling for help and making sure they gave Dean enough time to meet with Death but at the same time, not enough time for him to be dead for good. Castiel nodded and even though he didn't like this plan, he'd have to follow through with it as he told Dean he would.

They found the nurse's medicine cabinet and Dean started picking at the lock while Castiel guarded the area. When a nurse approached from the other side of the hallway, Dean sent an urgent glare to his friend. Castiel started to panic at the idea of distracting the lady. He knew that Dean would just go and flirt with her and he'd be a pro at it. Only he wasn't very good at flirting. Dean pressed him to go and Castiel had to move ahead regardless of the results. The whole plan depended on it.

He approached the nurse nervously. "Excuse me" he blurted out.

"Can I help you?" she asked. She was good looking and her smile was kind. Her hair fell gracefully from her ponytail and on her shoulders. Castiel stared up into her warm light brown eyes. They held a sense of compassion.

"I don't mean to bother you but my mother is dying and I feel really lost" he explained with glassy eyes. Dean watched from afar and saw the pity cross the girl's eyes. He chuckled lightly. The puppy-dog eyes – that always worked with ladies. Sam had mastered those years ago. He couldn't refuse the kid anything when he gave him his glassy puppy-dog look. _Nice job, Cas_.

"I'm very sorry to hear that" the nurse said with a compassionate smile.

"I know we don't know each other very well but do you mind… I just need some comfort right now" Castiel continued in his lie. Dean almost believed him too. And besides, it's not like the nurse was oblivious to the former angel's charms. She nodded softly and handed Castiel a tissue. Castiel thanked her softly and he kept playing the desperate card. It worked well and got the nurse's attention long enough for Dean to steal a syringe and some drugs.

He ran quickly after taking what he needed and waited for Castiel to join him at their meeting spot. The former angel joined him some time later. Dean was growing impatient and he couldn't hide it from his face when the Brunette finally joined him.

"What took you so long?" the Winchester spat.

"That nurse seemed to know about the Pizza Man…" Castiel started.

Dean grimaced. "Oh I don't want to hear it" he spat.

Castiel gave him a funny look and then readied himself for the operations to begin. "So what now?" he asked.

Dean had his syringe ready and pulled his sleeve up. "I need you to keep watch on my pulse. When there is none, you give me a minute and then you call for help. If they haven't started saving me after three minutes, you'll have to do it manually" Dean explained. Castiel sent him a worried glance. Dean didn't have time to get scared. He was already starting to move.

"Don't let me die" he simply said. Castiel nodded.

"And Dean…" he started but he couldn't find the words.

"Yeah, you too" Dean replied. They exchanged knowing glances and then Dean injected himself with the liquid. He felt his heart pound against his chest and through all his body before a dreadful feeling of cold gripped him and he knew no more.

Castiel watched as the oldest Winchester went from twitchy to deathly quiet. He kept track of the dark Blonde's pulse and when he felt none, he started counting. After a minute of the boy's skin grown cold, Castiel rose to his feet and started screaming like an alarm.

"Help! I need some help! My friend is dying!" he screamed, after carefully hiding the material Dean had used. It only took a moment before nurses rushed passed him and had a code team called. The former angel remained mysterious about the circumstances. The code team arrived in time to start putting effort into reviving the oldest Winchester. One of them drew blood for the lab tests. Manual compressions started while the paddles charged.

OoO

Soon after darkness engulfed him, Dean woke up next to his human body. He quickly understood that he was a spirit at the time being. He could see Castiel leaning over him while keep track on his pulse. Dean nodded with satisfaction and started looking into the hallway for his reaper.

"Come on!" he screamed, his arms in the air. "Come for me!" he added.

"Dean?" he heard. He turned to see Tessa's puzzled face. "What the hell?" she wondered.

Dean took on a menacing look and grabbed the reaper by the shoulders.

"Call Death. I want him here right now!" he spat.

She looked at him with the disapproving look of a mother who caught her son getting into trouble.

"You're unbelievable!" she shrieked. But the anger in his eyes made her understand that he wasn't in the mood to fool around. She sighed and Dean felt a third presence appear.

"Well, well…" the cold voice started. Dean turned around to see the scrawny figure of the grand reaper, the master of death himself. "I did tell you that I would kill you if you so much as tricked me again" he continued.

Dean shook his head franticly. "I'm not here to trick you. I want to understand what's happening with my brother! What's up with the binding spell?" he asked angrily. Cold eyes glared at him and for a second, Dean could almost see contempt in Death's face.

"What happens between your brother and I is not of your concern" the reaper stated. Dean breathed loudly.

"It is if your intention is to take him away" Dean snapped. The man's piercing eyes froze Dean to his very core.

"Sam is the only responsible for this spell. He's the one who recited it" Death replied, annoyance starting to show in his tone. Dean sent him an incredulous look.

"What does that mean?" he asked. "Sam wouldn't do that on purpose" he added.

Death rolled his eyes now obviously annoyed. "He did every time he finished what you guys called your little 'trials'… didn't that lady – Naomi – clarify this point for you? Sam's ultimate sacrifice of his own life was the price to pay to shut the doors of Hell. Now the spells were only a way to get him closer to that goal – and to bring him slowly to me. From the very start, your brother decided to bind his fate to death. Therefore, there is nothing you can do for him now" Death announced.

Dean was boiling with rage. He'd let his brother die slowly without lifting a finger. He had to be honest with himself, he knew this would be the way things ended. Kevin had said it from the start. Whoever chose to undergo these trials would lose his life doing so. He'd been naïve to let Sam convince him that there was a way to escape this fate. That story had been written in stone forever ago by God himself so why would Sam be able to escape it? He should have known. He should have stopped it from happening. He was responsible for this because this should have been his battle. _It was supposed to be on me_.

Death cocked his head to the side with a contempt smile. He could read the guilt radiating from Dean and he knew the oldest Winchester was all aware of the truth.

"But isn't there a way…" Dean started.

Death shook his head desperately. "Sam's destiny has taken place into the natural order since the moment he read the first spell. You know more than anybody else how we can't disturb the natural order" he pointed out.

Dean frowned but through his anger, he knew the man was right. He remembered the time when he had to put on Death's ring and play reapers for a day. By trying to save the life of a little girl who was doomed but natural order, he ended up reaping souls that weren't supposed to die. Death could see the shadow of the memory into Dean's eyes.

"But you and your brother are unique when it comes to destroying the natural order. You've been saved too many times when you were supposed to die and you even died when you were not supposed to. Although I should destroy you for this, you've also saved lives that I'd given up on…" Death started.

Dean abruptly looked up to the scrawny and pale figure in front of him. He tried to read his eyes but the cold brown orbs remained impassive.

"And I didn't agree with God too much when he decided that a hero should give his life. What's a hero if he has to die, anyway?" he continued.

Dean only stared at him, trying to fathom Death's position on the issue.

"Since Sam's intentions were selfless – as he always seems to be – I might consider giving him a chance to walk away from this" he finally announced.

Dean's eyes sparkled with hope. Seeing this, Death gave him a nod of acknowledgment.

"I'll break the binding spell if Sam proves that he really wants to live" Death declared.

Dean swallowed. He should have known that this wouldn't be easy. He was dealing with the most powerful Horseman after all.

"How can he do that?" Dean inquired, thinking back to his comatose brother.

"If he manages to survive the next 24 hours, I'll let him live" the Horseman declared. Dean swallowed.

"Well that doesn't sound too hard" Dean replied cockily. Death grinned but not in a way that pleased Dean. Cold shivers racked his body.

"We'll see about that…" he said simply. Dean froze. It felt like a fist ripped his insides apart.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked but suddenly everything disappeared and everything went white.

OoO

The first feeling that came to him was a suffocating sense of dread. It was so dense that he felt like he was choking on it. His lungs burned and he felt an agitated fire boil inside of him. All he wanted was for the pressure to go away. His limbs started flailing and suddenly a long gasp for air escaped his lungs without warning.

The force of the breath had his eyes open in seconds. He could feel his heartbeat pound in his head and everywhere else inside his body. His whole being screamed for oxygen. After his rude awakening, he laid on his back, breathing quickly to try to fill his lungs with precious air. Soon enough, he took in his surroundings. The room was white and smelled too much like tidy kinds of clean. _Hospital_.

Then his brain took in the noises around him. There were beeping sounds behind him. The beeping was fast at first and then it slowed in time with his slowing heartbeat. He also realized that breathing was made easier almost as if _something_ was doing it for him.

So he made it. He was still alive and he was now resting in his own hospital bed. _Wait, I have to be with Sam!_ Dean started to panic as he realized he didn't know how much time had passed. He took in the fact that he had his own backless gown now and an IV was attached to his hand.

He was also connected to different monitors and was provided oxygen. He went to raise his hand to his face to pull on the cannula when he realized he couldn't move. He looked down at his wrists and noticed how they were bound to the bed with the help of leather restraints.

"Good to see you're awake, Mr Winchester" a voice greeted. Dean looked up to see Doctor Philips, the physician who was also in charge of his brother's file.

"I don't usually work in this unit but I must admit I was quite surprised to see you here" he continued. Dean couldn't read his expression and therefore couldn't comprehend what it was the man wanted from him.

"I must admit, at first, I thought it was odd to see you react so calmly to your brother's condition. Then I thought maybe you too had been through this before although I still didn't get how you could remain so calm considering the situation" he explained. Dean still didn't get where all of this was going.

"But I didn't think that it would reach such heights without any of us noticing so I want to apologize for not being there to support you sooner" he finished. Dean still looked at him puzzled. He wondered if the doctor was going crazy or if it was him that was turning soft from the meds.

"I just wanted to be the one to let you know that you'll be provided with all the services you need, whether it's counseling or therapy. We even have programs that offer great activities to help you express yourself through artistic themes and group support" he announced. Dean frowned deeply now.

"What?" he breathed, his voice coming out harsher then he would have liked it to.

"I know that it's a lot to take for now but rest assured, we'll get you back on your feet. We won't let you down" the Doctor said with a sympathetic smile. Now Dean was sure that he must have been doped as hell because this didn't make any sense.

"I need to see my brother" he said softly. Doctor Philips shook his head sadly.

"But you can't do that now!" the Doctor said as if Dean should have known this. He frowned as his eyes closed to slits.

"Why?" he asked, his voice a little clearer now.

"Because you're on a 48-hour suicide watch. You almost killed yourself, Dean. It was a close call. You were gone for almost ten minutes. We thought we'd lost you for good" the Doctor replied.

Then it all made sense to Dean. The restraints, the hospital room and the speeches about counseling… When they found him they must have tested him to see what caused his cardiac arrest and then thought he'd tried to kill himself because he couldn't handle what happened to Sam. His plan could've worked well if they hadn't tied him to the bed. Now he wouldn't be able to leave for 48 hours?

There was no way he was staying in there all alone. He needed to be with Sam. Death gave him 24 hours to survive and Dean didn't like the expression on Death's face when he had mentioned that this would be easy. Did the reaper have plans for Sam? Was he going to make his recovery difficult? His brother didn't need any more complications right now.

"It's not what you think. Let me out, I need to see my brother!" Dean spat. His voice had regained his fearful power now. The doctor shook his head.

"Not until you've met with Doctor Bynes and she's given you her green light" he explained.

"Who is that?" Dean asked, growing impatient.

"She's a psychiatrist I called on your case. I want her to judge your overall mental state before I let you go anywhere" he explained. Dean was starting to get agitated on the bed. He wanted to get the hell away from this room and run to his brother's side.

"I'm fine so let me out or so God help me I'll go to my brother's side by every means possible" Dean threatened. The doctor sighed.

"Considering your recent behavior, I wouldn't want to have to sedate you if you get, let's say – aggressive – so keep quiet if you want to see your brother or I will have him surrounded by security to make sure you don't go near him" the man threatened. Dean boiled from the inside but he focused on taking deep breaths to calm himself down in front of the physician.

"He needs me" he finally said softly.

"He does actually. That's what makes me question your earlier intentions" the physician replied.

Dean didn't have the energy to try to make the man understand. The doctor finally calmed too and he gave Dean a sympathetic smile. "I'll try to have Doctor Bynes in soon so you can get back to your brother as soon as she says you can. I would like to keep you for at least 24 hours and then I might consider letting you go" he said. Dean's hopeful eyes turned to panic.

"No I can't wait that long!" he spat.

"I'm sorry, Mister Winchester but this is Hospital policy after everything that has happened" he apologized. Dean went to complain some more when a steady beeping sound came out from the doctor's pocket. He retrieved the small electronic device from his pants and checked the screen. An expression of dread came down on his face.

Dean stared at him expectantly because something felt off. In a way, he somehow knew that something was going on and deep down he knew what but he couldn't bring himself to admit that it could be more than a feeling. His big brother alert turned on and a nauseating feeling filled his stomach. "Is it…" he started but couldn't bring himself to finish. He knew that they both understood what was going on.

"Yes, it's your brother. I have to go" the Doctor announced before taking off in a rather quick motion. And Dean's feeling never lied. He just knew. Death's face came back into his mind as he thought about the 24 hours Sam had been given to 'prove' his will to live. And somehow Dean just knew that this task would be much harder than he would like it to be.

OoO

**That's it for now, people. I have a few messages for you now. First, I am sorry about the fact that I couldn't update this sooner. This chapter was meant to come up at the beginning of the summer. In fact I wanted it done before I started work because I knew I'd be busy but I didn't have time and now I'm halfway done with my summer job. I'm really busy and sleep a lot when I'm not but I would still want this story to be over before the show starts in October so I'll do my best to write as soon as I can. **

**Second, I want to thank you guys so so so so much for the amazing reviews! I'm so happy to see such a positive reaction to my story! I have tried to reply to everybody who has reviewed so far but I want to thank you guys again for being supportive like that! It really means a lot to me! **

**And finally, I guess I just hope you still enjoy the story and look forward to more! I'll try to have it up a.s.a.p. ! I love your feedback so don't forget to tell me what you think, please! I don't just want to post my stories and that's it, I also want to share with you and hear about you so don't be shy! And take care!**


	4. Let the countdown begin

_His big brother alert turned on and a nauseating feeling filled his stomach. "Is it…" Dean started. _

_"Yes, it's your brother. I have to go" the Doctor announced before taking off in a rather quick motion. And Dean's feeling never lied. _

_Death's face came back into his mind as he thought about the 24 hours Sam had been given to 'prove' his will to live. And somehow Dean just knew that this task would be much harder than he would like it to be. _

A feeling of helplessness filled the oldest Winchester as he realized his brother needed him but that there was nothing he could do to help. He tried to pull on the restraints but he only managed to hurt himself doing so. He cursed out loud when someone walked into the room. He looked from the corner of his eyes only to see a young man dressed in scrubs.

"Mister Winchester, you can call me Mike. I'll be the nurse watching you for the next hours" he announced. Dean frowned as the nurse came to study his vitals.

"Watching me?" Dean echoed.

Mike nodded. "It's hospital policy with attempted suicide. Usually we're allowed to keep you for a period of 72 hours before deciding whether you need to be admitted or not. From what I understand though, you are eager to get out of here" he trailed off.

Dean clenched his fists. "I have to be with my brother" he explained.

The nurse shook his head with a sad look. "It all depends on you now" he said. In the mean time, he looked at the monitors and noted Dean's pulse and blood pressure. He then moved to look at his saturation levels. "Considering the circumstances…" he started to say but Dean interrupted him.

"It's not what you think! I'm not trying to kill myself!" he snapped. The man shrugged as he dropped his clipboard on the small portable table next to the bed.

"Save your energy, I'm not the one you have to convince. I'm only here to watch you" he admitted. Dean sighed and leaned back on his pillow in defeated frustration.

The nurse cleared his throat. "At least your vitals are strong. As soon as your doctor gets here, you should be able to move off the medical floor" he announced.

Dean gritted his teeth and he contained his inner agitation or he would have jumped off the bed and knocked everybody down to get to his brother. He recalled Sam's doctor's face when he heard the code from his brother's room. He wondered what was going but mostly hoped that his brother would be okay. _Sammy,_ _you don't get to go anywhere without me!_

OoO

The nurse entered her next patient's room. She didn't know much about what happened to him but she was saddened by the state the young man was in. She had seen a lot of things in her years of experience but it always broke her heart to see young adults fighting for their lives.

As she stared her thirty-something-years-old patient down, she sighed as she thought of how much he had left to see in the world. But now his eyes were closed and he was far into some place she couldn't reach. She checked the IV lines and changed the empty bags of fluid, only to replace them with new ones. She also verified his vitals to make sure her patient was doing okay. She took a second to observe him and for the slightest moment, she caught herself into thinking that without all the bruises and obvious signs of illness and exhaustion, he would actually be quite a heartbreaker.

She was losing herself into her thoughts when the monitors started blaring suddenly. Her face fell in shock and she checked everything over to get a sense of what was going on. Gurgling sounds came from the bed and at first, she thought the young man was waking up. His heartbeat was racing but what alarmed her was the dropping of the saturation levels even with the aid of the vent.

She cleared her thoughts and pressed the call button to get some backup. Quickly enough, a team of medical experts ran into the room. They assessed the patient's vitals and ordered that the physician on the case be called. Sam's doctor finally rushed in the room, looking seriously concerned.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"One second he was fine and the next, he started choking" they explained. A nurse was already turning Sam on his side and suctioning the remnants of what made him choke.

"Shit" Dr. Philips cursed to himself. _I hope he didn't aspire any of it or we'll be facing serious complications_.

He waited for Sam to be fully reconnected to the machines and watched as his vitals stabilized and went back to normal after a while. He sighed in relief but he knew his satisfaction would be short-lived. He then pinched the bridge of his nose and waited for the commotion to go down.

"We'll have to monitor him closely from now on" he started. The attending medic team nodded and waited for the physician in charge to announce what would be next.

"I want him started on a round of antibiotics, stat. I don't want him to develop a lung infection on top of everything else!" he added. A nurse called that the meds were in, as she injected the antibiotics through Sam's IV. Doctor Philips nodded and sighed. He knew he would have to tell Dean and he only feared the brother's reaction.

Before leaving, he turned to the team of nurses that were doing the next rounds watching over Sam. "Watch for any signs that could point to bacterial infection. The last thing I want is for this young man to go into ARDS*" he ordered. The nurses nodded and went back to making Sam comfortable as much as they could.

Doctor Philips walked out of the ICU and slowly directed himself towards the regular medical floor. He was dreading Dean's reaction but he knew the eldest Winchester was worried over his head and he would want to know what happened to his little brother. The Doctor could only understand what it felt like to care for family so he decided to go anyway.

He walked past the information office where he spotted someone who looked familiar. It was a dark-haired man in a trench coat. He tried to overhear his conversation with the lady behind the desk.

"But I need to see him, he's my friend" Castiel begged.

The receptionist shook her head desperately. "Considering the situation, you can't see him right now. Only his family can. It's the Hospital policy" she explained as if it hadn't been the first time she said it already.

"I don't understand why you only consider family to be bound by blood. He's my family too. He says I'm like a brother to him, doesn't it count?" the former angel despaired.

"I'm sorry but I don't make the rules. I can't let you go" she apologized.

The man in the trench coat clenched his fists and sighed loudly but he let it go for the moment. He turned and spotted Sam's doctor walking by. Their eyes met and recognition filled Castiel's. He walked over to the doctor who could only slow down to meet the concerned man.

"We've met before. You're Sam's doctor, right?" he asked. The physician nodded and they both stopped to stare at each other.

"How is he doing?" he asked. The doctor swallowed. He really wanted to help the desperate man but in the mean time, he couldn't give him the information if Sam's family wasn't around to give consent to his presence.

"Technically, I can't give you this information without the presence of someone from the Winchester family" he started.

Castiel frowned. "I belong with these boys more than their own blood relatives do" he said, getting annoyed with the way he was treated in the human world.

He started to understand why the boys hated hospitals so much. He couldn't get anyone to tell him anything. He thought the rules and procedures about family were wrong. After all, he had learned just how much you don't get to choose your family and how they're not always the first ones you'd want to turn to for help. The boys were lucky they had each other but he knew that for his own good, he wouldn't trust a number of his brothers.Over the years, if there was one thing Dean managed to teach him, it was just how much family doesn't revolve around blood.

Doctor Philips shrugged sadly. "I wish I could help you" he started but Castiel's broken look made him take a second to rethink. "I'm going to see Dean, right now. I can't promise you anything but I'll see what I can do" he proposed. Castiel's eyes lit up with hope and he thanked the physician for his effort. The man gave him a sympathetic smile before walking away.

Castiel's angel side died down with his smile. He cut his eyes in the doctor's direction and when he was sure the way was clear, he followed behind him. _I'll be damned if I sit here and do nothing._ He caught himself thinking that everything would be so much easier if he still had his wings. He could have swapped into Dean's room to take him and then he would've gone to Sam's room to heal him and take both boys away from this crazy place.

Only then he remembered that Sam was damaged _beyond his repair_ and that fact saddened him. He only wished there was something he could do. He was also curious about what happened between Dean and Death. That's why he wanted to see the oldest Winchester so desperately. He hoped their plan had worked and he was determined to know if there was a way to help Sam.

He followed the doctor without being seen. He noticed that the man stopped to ask for Dean's room number. The receptionist told him that Dean had been moved to the psychiatric ward since he no longer required the medical aid. Castiel frowned at the newest information but still followed Sam's doctor to their final destination.

OoO

Dean had been moved to a new room after being disconnected from all the wires and machines that he'd been hooked up to. The room was completely bare of anything besides the beds. His gown had been replaced by a simple shirt and a pair of pants. He wasn't allowed socks and had to wear slipper-like shoes because he wasn't allowed anything laces-related.

As Mike had announced earlier, the nurse had followed him everywhere. He didn't have a second on his own, which frustrated him more than anything. He just couldn't tell them his so-called suicide attempt was in fact a mean of communication with Death himself. He'd be locked up for good.

So instead, he sat on his bed and remained silent, lost in his thoughts. Mike wasn't much for conversations either, which Dean was actually grateful for. He kept raking his brain with possibilities as to what could have happened to Sam. He still hadn't heard anything about his brother and he was going crazy with scenarios.

The good news was that he wasn't strapped to the bed anymore but he knew that making trouble wouldn't give him anything good. Only, the anxiety building inside of him would have gotten him bouncing off the walls if he weren't concentrating so hard on behaving. He figured the best way to get to his brother was by being a poster boy for good behavior.

Only he was going out of his mind by now and he couldn't sit still anymore. He stood abruptly and Mike snapped out of his thoughts to look at Dean with an incredulous look.

"I need to pee" he spat as to justify his sudden movement. Mike nodded and got up from his chair. He pointed the bathroom to Dean and as the Winchester started walking towards it, Mike followed him.

"Are you serious?" Dean asked, looking desperately at the nurse who was clearly following him to the bathroom. "Can't I go to the bathroom on my own like a big boy" he said, more on the tone of a statement.

Mike shrugged his shoulders and gave Dean an apologetic look. "Sorry, man. Hospital policy…"

"You' scared I'm going to hang myself with the toilet paper or something?" Dean snapped but he came to a brutal stop when he saw that there was no toilet paper.

"You've got to be kidding me…" he growled.

He swallowed the utter humiliation of having to be chaperoned while he relieved himself. He finished as quickly as he could and almost ran out of the bathroom and back to his bed. It was followed by a heavy silence. Doctor Philips was the one to break it when he entered the room after a soft knock on the door.

Dean had a sudden regain of energy when he saw Sam's doctor walk in but it wasn't without the anxiety of finally having news from Sam. Well, he assumed that the doctor was here to tell him about Sam since he wasn't his own doctor. He had no other reason to be there and Dean would rather have him by Sam's side than his own if this had nothing to do with him.

"How is he?" he tried. The doctor sent him a look to let him know that he was going to answer his question soon. He reached the side of the bed and politely asked Dean if he could sit down. The Winchester nodded without giving any real thought to the question. He only wanted an answer to his own.

"Well" the physician started, scratching his brow in a motion that testified to his lack of the good words to say. "Sam is stable for now" he stated. Now that this was said, he knew Dean would calm down and let him explain everything.

It indeed had the effect of calming the eldest Winchester. Dean let out a breath he'd been holding for too long. His shoulders dropped as his tensed muscles finally relaxed. Feeling the openness for conversation, Doctor Philips started his report.

"It seems that your brother had an instant of suffocation because of an accumulation of mucus. It happens sometimes and it's one of the reasons we don't like to keep oral intubation for too long. The risk of infection is too great" he explained. Dean nodded slowly as to show that he thought he understood what the doctor had explained.

"But then if he's okay now…" Dean stuttered.

"We've suctioned the excess of mucus but my major concern is the probability that Sam has aspired some of it into his lungs" he explained. Dean frowned. The physician took this as his cue to explain.

"We can't be sure that he has but if he did, Sam is at risk of developing a lung infection. Now, in his current state, I'm not sure his system would be strong enough to fight off the infection" he admitted honestly. Dean swallowed down the lump that was forming in his throat.

How come the fact that Sam was now stable didn't make his worry go away? Death's face came back to haunt him. He remembered the deep cold eyes and the slight smile full of contempt as Death told him to not be too happy with his proposition. A cold pit took place inside his stomach and Dean suddenly wanted to grab something to hold himself. His surroundings became blurry and for a second he felt like he was free-falling.

Doctor Philips placed a hand on his shoulder and Dean slowly came back from his mind. His face had been ridden of any color. Dean felt cold sweat roll down his back and a violent shiver rocked his body.

"Mister Winchester? Are you feeling okay?" Doctor Philips asked, concerned about the sudden change. Dean shook himself in order to regain his composure and finally gave the man a positive nod.

"I just wish I could go see him" he said on a small tone, one that reminded the doctor of a little boy wanting his mother to make the nightmares go away. He also saw the honesty in Dean's eyes and he felt bad for the man who was stuck here, away from his little brother.

"I'll do the best I can to get you to see him soon. I believe he needs you to be around as well. The only thing that bothers me is that the Hospital policy won't let you out until you've met with the psychiatrist" he explained softly. Dean looked up to him with his eyes full of hope.

"When will I see her?"

The doctor shook his head. "I don't know yet. It could be in a couple of hours but it could also be longer. I can't promise anything" he said sadly. He also saw the light dim a little more through the wide green eyes.

"Honestly Doc, what's your prognosis for my brother?" Dean finally said, resolution radiating from him.

"It's too soon to tell. I already started him on antibiotics to prevent pneumonia or any other infection. The worst case scenario would be for him to develop Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome but we'll monitor him to make sure that doesn't happen. The best we can do for now is to make sure he stays stable and avoid complications. In his state, any complication would be critical" he admitted honestly. Dean looked down at his hands. He should've done something sooner and he knew it.

"Do you think it's possible?" Dean asked. The doctor shrugged.

"Anything is possible. He could start getting better from now on or he could deteriorate quickly. Let's just pray for him and wish he has a guardian angel watching over him" Doctor Philips replied.

Dean grimaced at the irony of this. Of all the angels he knew, he didn't classify many of them as _guardian angels_. He saw them more as _dicks with wings. _The only good angel he could think of had been naïve enough to trust a prophet and that didn't end well. But then, as he thought about it, where was Castiel?

He frowned and looked back to the doctor. "Have you seen my friend? He was with me when we first met" Dean tried. He had nothing to lose after all and he believed the former angel would have been asking to see him.

"I have. My only concern is with this Hospital's policy since he isn't related to you by blood…" the man started. Dean opened wide eyes and anger was starting to build up towards the stupid rules that ruined his life.

"Isn't there anything you can do? I give my consent that Cas can be informed about me and about Sam as well. He's been like a brother to us. I need him too" Dean confessed. The doctor nodded.

"Alright, I'll have you fill up consent forms and then your friend will be allowed, but only during visiting hours" the doctor offered. Dean thanked him with a real light gleaming from his eyes. The doctor left the room with a soft smile. He felt like he'd done something good and that made him feel good.

OoO

Some time and some forms later had Castiel sitting with Dean. The former angel had to give up his own laces, belts and other compromising clothing parts. But it was what it took for them to meet so he was more than happy to oblige. The only other main problem was Mike. The guy was everywhere and there was no way to get rid of him to talk privately.

Dean shot him cold glares but Mike could only shrug that he had to stay around. They resumed to talking about Sam.

"He's had a little set back earlier. Apparently this ventilator can save him but also compromise his life" Dean started, his expression somber. Castiel frowned.

"If he needs it for too long, he might develop lung infections and his doctor says that in his state, any complication could be fatal" Dean explained. Castiel shivered.

"_Human_ life is so fragile" he reflected, more to himself then to anybody in particular. Mike frowned at the tone Castiel used when he said _human_, as if there was any other kind of life. Then he just decided to let it go. The former angel was getting nervous. He really wanted to talk about what happened without awaking any suspicions. Dean too was eager to tell Castiel about his meeting. A silent conversation passed between them.

"Did he say it was him?" Castiel started. Dean knew exactly who his friend was referring to and he nodded. He lowered his voice to whisper in Castiel's ear. "He said Sam had spoken the binding spell after each trial" he added.

Mike frowned and leaned forward. He cleared his throat rather loudly. Dean turned to him but only to send him a cold glare. _Stay out of this_ his eyes told. The look was intense enough to get the nurse to shiver and to pull back from the conversation. He managed to keep watching without interrupting the scary Winchester.

Castiel pleaded Dean to continue with only his eyes and Dean nodded, still carrying on the silent conversation. Mike was going crazy at how much the two men could say without actually formulating anything.

"Did he give you a way out of this" Castiel whispered, his lips hardly moving. It was enough for Dean to understand exactly what his friend wanted to know.

"He'll let it go at some point" Dean spoke softly, still looking at the nurse from the corner of his eyes. Castiel frowned and Dean understood the question behind it. He got closer to his friend's ear and whispered again.

"He gave him 24 hours to survive. If he does, Sam's free" he said softly.

When he pulled back he saw the look in Castiel's wide eyes. He nodded lightly to confirm the former angel's understanding of the situation. Castiel then realized the complexity of it. If the condition for Sam to be freed from death was for him to survive, he had a feeling things didn't bode well for the youngest Winchester. It was also made harder from the fact that Dean couldn't leave his room to be at Sam's side.

"You gave them consent, right? That means I can visit him?" Castiel wanted to confirm. Dean nodded.

"I'll be right back, then. I'll talk to him, hoping he'll be able to hear me" Castiel proposed.

Dean nodded and thanked his friend. He then cursed at the psychiatrist that definitely wasn't in any hurry to give him back his freedom.

OoO

As he thought that he would never see her, there she was, walking inside the room and introducing herself as Doctor Bynes. She was a middle-aged woman with red hair pulled back in a neat bun. The lines around her eyes testified of years of experience where she had seen a lot of cases. Her stance seemed to tell Dean _you're not my first patient, you can't fool me_.

He shivered at the thought of being analyzed. What was she going to find out? He wasn't so self-assured anymore. He had to keep focusing on the fact that she was his only way to get out and be by Sam's side. He focused on the result and convinced himself that he had to make her let him go. He'd have a lot of sucking up to do but if it granted him access to Sam, he'd confess to anything.

She sat in front of him and studied him for a while, no words being exchanged. She finally raised her chin to him. "Dean Winchester" she started. "What brings us here today, can you tell me?" she asked.

Dean thought for a second. He thought denying the suicide attempt would only let him rot here even longer and that's not what he wanted. Following his logic, he decided that he had to tell the lady exactly what she wanted to hear even if he believed it himself or not.

"I have tried to commit suicide" he snapped honestly. She was taken aback by his blunt response. She had expected denial or anything that tried to turn around the truth while avoiding it but this Dean Winchester didn't beat around the bush. She thought this was going to be interesting.

"Why would you do that?" she continued, trying to see if she'd get the same transparency in Dean's answers. She bowed her head and waited for his response.

"Because of all the pressure I felt. My brother is in the ICU and his state is critical. He's been feeling off for a while and I've been a terrible brother for not doing anything sooner…" Dean explained. He wasn't necessarily using lies to free himself. He actually used some of his own inner feelings and putting words on them actually made it feel more real.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope your brother will get better" she offered. Dean didn't know what to think of it. Maybe she was being empathetic or maybe she was just trying to get him to turn all emotional on her but this wouldn't work. He wasn't the type for chick-flicks anyway, this was Sam's thing. He didn't show any warmth to the comment and went on.

"Our mother died when we were kids and I always had to take care of Sam. It became even more important when our dad died. I guess I just felt like I'd failed him" he admitted. The psychiatrist nodded.

"You say you've taken care of Sam all your life. Was there a moment when it made you angry or when you felt it was more of a burden?" she asked. Dean looked at her with wide eyes as if she'd grown a second head.

"It was never a burden. Nobody told me to do it. It was a choice. I'll always take care of him, it's my life-long responsibility" he snapped, trying to get some sense into that lady without going over the top and telling her what he really thought. _I'd give my life away in a heartbeat for my brother. I already did and I would do it again if I had to._ He couldn't tell her that though or she'd lock him up for good, fearing that he'd hurt himself again if anything happened to Sam. _Maybe she should because if anything happens to Sam…_

She nodded to his story. "Then why did you try to take your own life? You wouldn't be of any help to Sam if you were gone" she stated. Dean looked down. If only she could understand that he did this to help Sam.

"As I said, it was the pressure. For a second I thought whatever I did would screw everything up" he tried. She nodded but she only seemed half convinced.

"And now, what do you think?" she asked with a frown. Dean couldn't read her or what she was thinking exactly. He decided to keep going and to keep trying to convince her to let him go.

"Life's given me a second chance and I won't blow it this time. Sammy needs me and I want to be there for him now more than ever" he pressed. She looked at him with wide eyes, probably trying to read him and then finally nodded.

"So you're saying you are strong enough now?" she pushed. Dean could feel where he'd fail if he didn't pick his words. He tried his best impersonation of Sam's puppy dog eyes and his own personal charm with women.

"I'm not 100% right now but I really want to get better and I'm ready to use the help I'm given to fully rise from this down" he said with misty eyes.

Doctor Bynes looked at him with a puzzled look and for a second, Dean wondered if maybe she wasn't buying it. She jotted down a few notes on her pad and looked back up to Dean.

"Well, I'm happy to hear that, Mister Winchester. You're on your way to recovery" she chimed. Dean let a victorious smile slip and he waited for her to tell him that he could finally go see his brother as long as he did take the help provided to get better. Then he'd ditch the therapy and run away with Sam as soon as he could, when his kid brother would be strong enough to get the hell out.

But his victory didn't come and his smile died quickly when she spoke up. "Since you want to get better so much, I'm sending you to group therapy in an hour. I sense that you are ready to open up and I want to see how you will do with the others" she announced. Dean felt his stomach sink at the bottom of his heels. He wanted to get out, not to be stuck sharing heartaches with some whiners. This was the biggest display of chick flick moments and he already hated the fact that he had to go through that. _Oh Sam, you owe me big! Look what I'm doing for you, man. You better live to see me complain about how much trouble I'd get into to keep you safe!_

"…and when this is over I want to meet again. There are some deeper subjects I want to talk with you about" she said. Dean snapped back to reality when he heard that the group therapy wouldn't be the end of it. He was growing desperate. He didn't want to get into deeper subjects, he just wanted to get the hell out of there. _What did I get myself into?_

OoO

Castiel entered Sam's room. He now had the permission to know about the boys' files and that included permission to visit. The former angel felt somehow awkward to be in Sam's room without Dean around. It's not that he didn't like the kid. They had learned to trust each other in their own fashion. It was just different. Castiel was used to dealing with Dean but with Sam it was different. The youngest Winchester hardly called upon the angel for help. He'd always manage on his own unless Dean was seriously hurt.

Dean on the other hand never hesitated to call the angel. He even prayed to him so that he would watch over Sam during the trials. Castiel had heard the prayer but with everything going on with the angels and Naomi, he didn't really have the time to be around much. He was glad though that this hard period was over. It didn't mean that it would be better but he at least wasn't a slave of the angels anymore. He also wasn't working against the Winchesters anymore and that was worth more than all the angel praise in the world.

He walked closer to the bed were Sam appeared to be sleeping. If it weren't for all the wires and tubing, he could've been fooled. Castiel didn't know much about human medicine but he could tell Sam's heartbeat was a little fast. Not enough to warrant emergency actions but enough to trigger concern in the former angel's guts. He shrugged it off and sat in a chair pulled up to the side of the bed.

At first it did feel awkward. Sam was just so big laying there but so small at the same time. Castiel didn't know what to do. He wished Dean were here. He wished Dean were allowed to be here because he knew that's what Sam needed. He needed to have his big brother around.

Now that he was seeing Sam from up close, he also thought that the kid was pale. It's not that he wasn't before, all things considered. Again, Castiel rationalized by telling himself that the doctors would be here and doing something if Sam really needed it.

He finally cleared his throat and decided that speaking might help to alleviate some of his discomfort.

"Hey Sam" he started. "It's… Cas" he added slowly at the strange feeling of talking to an unconscious Sam. He decided to keep going anyway.

"I'm here on behalf of your brother Dean who can't be here right now" he explained. He slowed down when he noticed nurses passing just outside Sam's room. When they left, he resumed his one-sided conversation.

"It's a long story but in order to make it short, let's just say he had to meet with Death and you know how he does that. Well, the doctors have mistaken it for a suicide attempt and they have him on watch right now. As soon as they let him go, he'll be able to be by your side" Castiel explained. Sam's condition remained unchanged. The former angel wondered if the boy could even hear him at this point.

"But I'll be here. I'll replace him until he can be here. You're not alone, Sam. You never were and you won't have to be" Castiel informed, feeling a little emotion build up inside his throat. _That's another side effect of being human, I guess_.

"I know you're tough, Sam. Keep fighting like you always do" he finally pleaded. He then awkwardly pushed his hand over the railing of the bed, only to graze Sam's hand with his own. A shiver went through him.

Sam's hand was cold but clammy. Even without being a doctor, he knew this didn't mean anything good. Adding it up to Sam's rapid heartbeat, he found himself being truly concerned. He reached Sam's wrist to feel for his pulse and cringed when he realized how weak it felt beneath his fingers.

"Well, this isn't good" he muttered to himself before stretching his fingers to press on the call button. "It's going to be okay, Sam. Help is on the way" he assured, more to himself than to really make the youngest Winchester feel better.

A nurse came barging inside the room and towards her patient on the bed. Castiel only pointed to the obvious signs before the girl called for backup.

All Castiel could hear were words that didn't really make sense to him. _He's tachycardic and his blood pressure is dropping…skin is pale and turning blue around the nails… pulse pressure is weak… call his doctor in emergency…! _

And the former angel's head spun with the amount of information that pushed its way inside his brain without making sense. He didn't need to be a doctor to understand that Sam's state was deteriorating quickly. His biggest worry, above the health of the youngest Winchester, was his big brother's reaction to the news.

OoO

***ARDS = Acute respiratory distress syndrome **

**A/N:**

**Oh but I did it again! I'm terrible, aren't I?! Sorry about that I just love to leave cliffhangers. My story is pretty much all planned until the ending so I should be able to put it up soon enough. I also don't really have a choice if I want to have it finished before the show starts again in October (I can't wait Godamnit!) **

**Thanks again for the amazing support I'm receiving! I enjoy every single one of your reviews and they really mean a lot to me! I love to hear what you think and your opinion really counts because I'm writing for you guys! **

**I hope you're still into the story because I'll have fun with my little Sammy in the next chapters. I have a 24 hour laps to play with him so yeah the fun begins! LOL**

**Stay tuned guys! You're amazing! **


	5. Big brother knows best

_Castiel didn't need to be a doctor to understand that Sam's state was deteriorating quickly. His biggest worry, above the health of the youngest Winchester, was his big brother's reaction to the news._

He was quickly pushed out of the room while a flurry of medics assessed Sam's newest condition. He could only stare from where he stood as the tension increased in the room. He could have sworn that if it built any heavier, he'd be able to touch it. The medics worked to stabilize Sam's state and at that moment, the former angel cringed at the idea of the kid being alone in there. Unconscious or not, Sam needed his brother's presence next to him. He inwardly cursed at the doctors for keeping Dean away like this.

Castiel was so far into his dazed oblivion that he hardly noticed the arrival of Sam's doctor. The man rushed inside the room and started barking orders. They quickly hooked Sam to portable ventilation and started wheeling him out of the room with Doctor Philips on their heels.

Castiel blinked a few times in order to let his brain process the new information. The doctor noticed him and told the others to prepare Sam for when he came back and then to wait for him. He turned back to the dazed family friend. Castiel swallowed when he understood that the doctor was coming for him.

"What happened" he stuttered, out of breath. The doctor nervously gripped his pad tighter until his knuckles turned white. He turned back to Sam's unmoving form being wheeled away as if in a hurry to join him and then back to the distraught family friend.

"I can't pronounce any official diagnosis yet but Sam Winchester is being wheeled away for a chest radiograph. There are serious signs that all lead to hemorrhage. As you've noticed when you pressed the emergency button, Sam's heart rate was too fast and his pulse pressure was weak. His blood pressure was also low and his skin started turning blue into extremities, which are all signs of an important loss of blood" the doctor informed. Somehow, Castiel already knew that but he didn't like to hear it and he didn't like the look the doctor was giving him while he explained things.

"We're suspecting a hemothorax for multiple reasons after we've performed some quick tests. The radiography has to be performed in order to confirm this diagnosis" the doctor explained, while giving Castiel reasons to agree to the intervention since he was Dean's substitute in taking care of Sam.

"What is this condition exactly?" Castiel asked with growing concern regarding the 24 hours Sam was given and suddenly wondering if Dean had been right to worry about Sam being too weak to even last this long.

"It's an accumulation of blood in the pleural space of the chest cavity. Basically, we gave Sam anticoagulants for the blood clots he presented when he came in. The medication increased the risk of hemorrhage since he also presented pulmonary contusions. There's a chance that the medication caused the bleeding that is now compressing Sam's lungs. Of course, now that we know about this, we've stopped giving him anticoagulants in hopes of reducing the bleeding" Doctor Philips reported. He wasn't too happy with his confession but he knew that at the time, the decision to give this medication to his patient had been crucial in saving his life. Only this time, it was the same medication that was compromising it.

Castiel nodded, understanding the precarious situation Sam was in. He feared Dean's reaction even more now. He knew that bringing Sam to the hospital was a hard decision for Dean because the eldest Winchester was always very reluctant when it came to letting someone else take care of his brother. And now that very professional care was also the cause of Sam's pain. Dean wasn't going to be happy about this. He'd feel guilty for not taking care of Sam by himself. Especially since Dean was held away from his brother.

"Is he going to be okay?" Castiel finally asked. It was the only thing he needed to know for now. It was the only thing that mattered so he could reassure Dean. The doctor's sigh wasn't lost to his ears.

"We'll do everything we can to get Sam healthy again" he said. But Castiel noticed the slight shaking in the man's hands. He also noticed the way the doctor's eyes were escaping his own. It was slight but obvious to the former soldier of God. He could also notice the light twitching in the man's whole stance. It was nothing big and brightly obvious. It actually would've been impossible to see but Castiel's brain was working in slow motion to try to absorb everything that was going on.

Doctor Philips gave him a sympathetic smile but it felt strained. Castiel decided to let it go and blame the doctor's nervousness that reflected his own. He finally nodded as if agreeing to everything the physician had said and almost pleading him to get back to Sam.

"Are you going to inform his brother?" he asked suddenly. The doctor swallowed.

"Mister Winchester will be provided information shortly. I do hope he'll be able to be by our side soon but you know it's not my decision to make" he replied honestly. Castiel nodded and he too agreed with the man's statement. Actually, he wanted Dean to be here right now because Sam would need him to overcome this new setback. Castiel thought about it for a second and he could swear that Sam's state started degrading after Dean left his side.

He swallowed back the bile that burned his throat and finally looked up into the doctor's eyes. "Do whatever you need to do to keep Sam safe. Dean needs him to be alive when he comes back" Castiel almost ordered. The physician took in the sense of authority behind the statement and understood that this wasn't even a proposition. He'd seen Dean and how serious he was concerning his brother's care. For his own safety, the doctor made a mental note to do everything in his willpower to keep Sam alive. He nodded and ran into the direction Sam was taken.

Castiel was left alone with an empty room to stare at. He thought back to the deal Dean made with Death and worry overtook him. Of course it wouldn't be that easy. That would've been too good to be true. If Death had given 24 hours to Sam, he had to know that Sam would be fading quickly in that amount of time. Or maybe the Reaper was just standing nearby and waiting eagerly for his next soul to join his realm. Once weakened, Sam would be so much easier to claim. The former angel didn't like that idea.

OoO

Dean had just joined the group therapy because he had been forced to. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do to shorten his stay in this hospital. The faster he could get to Sam, the better. Besides, there was a cold feeling in his gut again. Something just didn't feel right. But he rationalized his fears by telling himself that someone would come to him if anything happened to Sam. He had the right to know after all and he didn't know why but somehow he had an unexplainable trust in Sam's physician. The man had been honest so far and he tried to help them every time he could.

Dean eyed the other patients that were participating to this therapy. He wondered just how many of them were forced to be here and tried to guess by studying their faces. There were ten patients including himself. Aside from Dean, there were only two other boys. They looked young and frail. Dean frowned at that and it made him even more angry. _They look like they belong here but I don't!_

The other patients were girls and that's the only thing Dean didn't inwardly curse about. He eyed them all and besides the ones that were obviously too young for him, two of them were actually pretty attractive. One looked about his age, a dark brunette with soft eyes. She looked sad and Dean swallowed back some of his discomfort at seeing this emotion on a pretty girl's face. The other one was blonde and she looked nonchalant. As if she too didn't want to be here. She picked Dean's curiosity before he was snapped out of his thoughts.

Doctor Bynes pulled a chair all across the linoleum floor before dropping it next to Dean. The noise made him cringe and he frowned when he saw the psychiatrist sit in between his neighbor and himself, closing the circle again. If Dean wasn't uncomfortable enough yet, this made it even worse.

"Hello everybody! Welcome to this open-sharing session. You will be allowed the next forty-five minutes to share your feelings with the group. As you already know, this will help you feel the others' presence and let you know that you are not alone" Doctor Bynes introduced. Dean wanted to roll his eyes but stopped himself short when he felt the psychiatrist's gaze on him. He just nodded his head quickly in her direction. She stared back at him for a second before turning back to the circle.

"Anybody wants to break the ice?" she asked, eyeing everyone around the circle. One of the youngest looking girls raised her hand. Dean could only guess that she was barely entering the world of responsibilities that comes with being an adult. The psychiatrist nodded to her and the girl whose name was lost to Dean's ears started speaking.

"It's been two weeks now. I'm starting to understand that what I did was wrong and I really want to go home. I miss my family and my friends… but in the mean time I'm not excited to see them again" she confessed. Dean studied her closely and he could now see that under her baggy clothes, she was nothing more than skin and bones.

"And why is that so?" the doctor asked. The girl swallowed.

"My friends didn't even come to see me. I think they're afraid of me now. I even feel awkward around my parents. They look at me differently and I hate it" she replied, her eyes watering.

"Do you think that maybe you're the one who feels different around them? The perception we have of the look the others lay on us is often the reflection of what we think of ourselves" Dr. Bynes explained and Dean shifted in his chair. It was nothing against that poor girl but he was getting fidgety and hearing about self-esteem wasn't going to help him get out of there sooner. He lost the rest of the conversation as his worries for his brother came back to haunt him.

He didn't know how long he'd spaced out when one of the frail looking boys looked up shyly and raised a trembling finger. The psychiatrist turned surprised eyes to the shy boy and somehow that snapped Dean out of his thoughts. He didn't know why he started listening to the kid but something appealed him to.

"…'s been two months. Every day is harder than the previous one. It doesn't get better and I'm in more pain after each day" the boy was confessing on a low and slow monotone. Dean studied him with more attention now. Even though the boy was young, he looked wrinkled and scarred as if he'd been through years of pain. He was thin and his shoulders were slouched. His cheeks were hollow and his eyes seemed to stick out of his face from sleeping too little and crying too much.

And Dean just knew. Before the guy said anything. He just knew that look of pain and desperation. It could only mean one thing. _Loss_.

"I'd do anything to see him again. His absence destroys me more every day. And all I can feel is guilt because I know it's all my fault" the boy sobbed. Dean shivered. That guilt, he knew it all too well. His stomach sank and he caught himself thinking about Sam again, his baby brother that he was letting down one more time.

"My brother… he was everything to me" the boy continued before breaking down. Dean felt his stomach churn. The doctor noticed the tension in his shoulders and let her fingers slide along Dean's arm. The eldest Winchester flinched in surprise and turned misty green eyes to the psychiatrist. She offered him a sympathetic smile. This one wasn't forced and Dean could really feel her compassion. For the first time, he didn't hate her so much anymore.

"As I said before" she started. "This session is here to allow you to share as you discover that you are not alone in this" she finished. Dean knew that she was saying this to him and he understood. The guilt he felt wasn't only his. It was the common guilt of every other big brother that had to watch his sibling suffer. And even though it didn't make Sam better, it brought him a breath of warmth inside his chest. He felt understood.

He cleared his throat and the psychiatrist invited him to speak. Dean looked at her and then back at his feet, his palms growing clammy at his nervousness. He started breathing slowly enough to place two words together. "Sammy, you'd be mocking me right now. I'm initiating a chick-flick and you're missing it" Dean spoke, his voice hardly above a whisper. The others had to stretch their ears to understand what was going on.

The eldest Winchester let out a nervous laugh at the thought of the bitch-face he'd get from Sam if his brother were here. Somehow the image of Sam awake and smiling brought him comfort.

"My brother…" Dean started. He laughed again as memories of happier times rushed to him. "We're like partners in crime, you know. We've always taken care of each other as much as we get on each others' nerves. Sam is this annoying geek-boy who's always better than me at everything. He can be a bitch sometimes. Actually he is most of the time!" Dean chuckled. He finally looked up to see that the attention was on him now.

"We work together on the family business but we're just so different. He likes research and all that geek stuff and he eats those rabbit salads and complains about my music being too loud all the time… but whenever he's not there to complain, I go crazy. We grew apart these past few years and I feel like I failed him" Dean confessed honestly. He felt the other boy's attention on him and he shifted under the sudden tension.

The eldest Winchester looked down and stared at the floor as his shoulders slouched. "Sam collapsed two days ago. I knew he was sick for a long time but I didn't do anything to help because he convinced me not to. And now he might…" Dean started to say but stopped when his body started trembling. He couldn't bring himself to say it because he wouldn't allow it, especially if he couldn't be by Sam's side.

"I hate to see him in pain. I would rather carry his pain than to see him hurt. _It was supposed to be on me…_" he whispered. Dr. Bynes frowned at his last comment but held her questions for later, when they wouldn't be surrounded by so many people. Dean looked angry and his shoulders tensed and then relaxed. He fought hard to remain in control in front of the others.

"Thank you for sharing this, Dean" the psychiatrist said. Dean let his eyes wander on the floor. And when the meeting was over, that's exactly how Doctor Bynes found him.

"How about I walk you back to your room" she proposed with a sympathetic smile. Dean shrugged and let her guide him. If she was coming along, maybe she would release him.

As they got to the room, the psychiatrist invited Dean to sit on the bed. He obliged and as he did, he noticed that Mike had been replaced by Brandon. He rolled his eyes and turned back to the doctor. She looked at him with a sad smile.

"I'm proud of you, Dean. You did good" she cheered softly. He gave her a look that showed he acknowledged the comment. She sighed.

"I know you want to see him soon and you will" she announced. Dean's face lit up with hope but kept a certain reserve because he knew that there was a _but_ coming.

"But I still want to talk about a few things with you" she finished. Dean knew it and cringed. He was just growing desperate and it was showing in the way his bright eyes dimmed. And just when he was about to reply, Sam's doctor came into his room. Dean frowned but cold gripped at his guts when he understood that this could only mean that something happened to his brother again. The look in the doctor's face also testified to that.

"What happened" Dean snapped suddenly. The doctor was taken aback but then he figured that Dean was smart and he would just know.

"I'm here to report Sam's condition" he started. Dean shivered and turned to the psychiatrist. "Can I have a moment, please" he begged. The psychiatrist understood and nodded. She left the room and rested her head against the wall outside Dean's room. It was breaking her heart to have to keep him away like this. Sometimes she hated her job and its policies.

Dean turned all his attention on the doctor and urged him to continue. The doctor nodded and swallowed. This was going to be hard. Again. Bad news was always hard but there was something with the Winchesters that just made it worse. Maybe it was the way they cared about each other and the pain bad news brought them. Doctor Philips cleared his throat. He had to do this.

"There was a complication with Sam" he started and Dean could have sworn he felt his heart stop for a few seconds. He remembered how the doctor told him any complication could be fatal at this point. He breathed deeply and motioned for the doctor to continue.

"It seems the anticoagulant medication we gave him for his embolism caused a hemorrhage in his chest cavity. We call this condition a hemothorax. Blood accumulated in your brother's chest, compressing his lungs. We've stopped the medication and proceeded to confirm the diagnosis with radiography" the doctor announced.

Dean felt dizzy again. He wondered just how much Sam had to be in pain. This was not fair, especially since he should have been the one to do the trials. Anger built in his guts and he contemplated punching a wall. Instead, he concentrated on breathing deeply and exhaled loudly. "Is he going to make it?" he asked, the only thing that mattered to him.

The doctor looked at his pad and back at Dean. "We have to drain the blood before it causes any more damage. We've already performed thoracostomy and inserted a chest-tube. Your brother also needed blood transfusions to replace for what he's lost. You should be grateful that your friend was there with him. He's the one who alerted the medical team that something was up so we could treat Sam early" Doctor Philips announced.

Dean closed his eyes and thanked the Lord for Castiel. He knew he could count on the former angel even when the guy was off angel duty. "What's going to happen to Sam, now?" Dean finally asked.

"We still have to keep a close eye on him to avoid any more complications. If we manage to drain the blood, there's no reason to believe he won't make a fine recovery" Doctor Philips assured.

"But what if there are more complications? Because I remember you telling me that it was unlikely anything turned wrong but it's all that's been happening so far!" Dean snapped. Anger was getting the best of him, but most of all he was worried over his head. The first complications were bad enough but now it seemed like everything that could turn bad ended up turning awful.

"We're doing the best we can" the doctor started.

"Well it's not enough!" Dean spat bluntly and for a second he had to breathe deeply or he'd really lose it.

The doctor held Dean's gaze and breathed deeply as well. He really wished he could do more than that. Dean calmed down as well and quickly apologized for losing his temper.

"I need to see him"

Dean's voice was broken. His need was visceral. He needed to see Sam and to make sure with his own eyes that his kid brother was indeed alive and holding his own. Doctor Philips sighed deeply and finally called for Doctor Bynes. The psychiatrist walked inside the room and looked at both her colleague and her patient.

"I need to see him" Dean repeated, his voice pleading. "If he dies while I can't be seeing him, I swear to God…" Dean started but had to stop himself from the web of threats that came to his mind. He'd only make it worse.

"If he dies before I get the chance to say goodbye, I'll never be able to live with myself" Dean admitted. Both doctors looked at him with sympathy. Doctor Bynes sighed and a small smile crept at the corners of her lips.

"What are rules made for if we can't break them" she whispered. Brandon, the attending nurse turned wide eyes to her and went to protest but the lady motioned for him to sit back down. "If you so much as interfere, I'll make sure you never work for a hospital ever again" she threatened. Brandon swallowed his fear and nodded his head.

Dean was taken aback by the sudden gesture and he wasn't sure he understood everything but he wasn't going to wait for them to plead him to go.

"I give you one hour, boy. You go see your brother, make sure he understands he has to stick around and then come back here and we will talk. You better be back here in time, you understand me?" she spoke.

"Yes Sir" Dean joked with a half grin. He couldn't believe it but he wasn't going to complain. The lady smiled back at him and pressed him to get moving. "Your brother's waiting" she added and Dean didn't need to be told twice.

OoO

Castiel was sitting by Sam's side. If anything, the boy looked worse than he had before being admitted into the hospital in the first place. After his emergency call, Sam had been wheeled to and back from radiography, confirming Doctor Philips' diagnosis. Sam had immediately been given blood transfusions to stabilize him before he slipped into shock. As soon as that was settled, he'd been moved in the closest position to sitting they could manage. A large tube had been inserted between his ribs and into his chest and imagery had confirmed its adequate positioning.

Castiel could only stare at the numerous machines and sigh at how bad Sam really was. To top it all, Dean still wasn't there by his side. There was only so much he could do for Sam but he couldn't replace his brother. At least the hemorrhage was being drained away and Sam's vitals were stable. The doctors had explained the procedure to him but there were still things he didn't understand. They had also mentioned the risk for more complications and that only made the former angel cringe.

He didn't know how much more the kid could take. They spent a lot of time sitting in silence. Of course, Sam wasn't the one who would get up suddenly and start a conversation. Castiel didn't really know what to say. Every once in a while, he'd stretch and tell Sam that he was still there and that the kid wasn't alone. He still couldn't compensate for the lack of Dean though.

And then a miracle happened. As he was wondering what the eldest Winchester was doing at the time being, he saw Sam's doctor walk into the room followed by a mop of disheveled dark blonde hair. He looked up from Sam's bed to see worried green orbs lock with his.

"Dean" he whispered softly.

But Dean wasn't paying attention to Castiel. He had all his focus on his brother who looked the worse for wear. Since the last time, Sam had paled – if possible. A large catheter delivered the blood Sam had lost when his own lungs bled out on him. The eldest Winchester shivered until his eyes rested on the chest tube draining the remnants of what could have been a fatal hemorrhage. A lump formed in his throat.

"Oh God, Sammy" he whispered. "I'm here, little brother. It's me, I'm right here. I'm gonna take care of you and you're gonna be just fine" he assured. Castiel's lips turned into a soft smile and when he looked up to Sam's doctor, he could swear that for just a second he saw something sparkle in his eyes. _Tears maybe_. And then he left, telling the two boys to call him if anything happened.

Castiel nodded and Dean hardly looked up from his brother. The mother in him was out now and Castiel wondered how long had it been since she'd been sleeping. The brothers hadn't exactly been that close in a long time.

After a while of studying Sam under every angle and after making sure the kid wouldn't suddenly stop breathing, Dean looked up to Castiel whom had remained silent as to leave the brothers some form of privacy.

"What happened?" the dark Blonde asked.

"I don't know, Dean. Something was off so I called for help and then everything went so fast" the former angel replied.

Dean nodded and looked down. After a few seconds, Castiel heard him say "Thanks man. I owe you."

Castiel frowned. "I only did what I had to do. You don't owe me anything" he replied. Dean shrugged.

"I should have been here" he whispered, putting his hand on Sam's, mindful of not disturbing the IVs. He cast a sideway glance at his brother. The way Sam's chest mechanically rose and fell made his stomach churn even more.

"Where were you? What are they doing to you?" Castiel inquired. Dean looked up from Sam to look at his friend.

"I'm not sure" Dean started. Castiel frowned. The Winchester pressed a palm to his face and snorted, before resting his fingers on his chin. The former angel recognized the move Dean made when he was talking seriously. He'd seen that movement when Dean talked about his hard feelings, especially when they regarded Sam.

"I hate that they're keeping me away from him" he bluntly said. Castiel could only understand why that would bother Dean. The brothers were used to be in an almost harmful symbiosis. "That Doctor Bynes… she wants to talk. All we do is talk… about feelings. It's the kind of thing Sam likes but I can't stand it when I know Sam is hurting and I can't be there for him" he concluded. His friend nodded.

"Are they letting you out soon?" he asked. Dean shrugged.

"I have no idea. I'm supposed to go back soon and she wants us to talk again. I can't do it anymore, Cas. Not when I can't watch over my brother! What if anything happens…" Dean starts but he doesn't even want to imagine what could happen to his brother.

"Don't worry, Dean. I'm not going anywhere. I'll take care of him until you can come back" Castiel announced. Dean finally looked up to stare into cerulean blue eyes. His friend offered him a comforting smile. After a while Dean could only smile back. "Thank you. You're a real friend" he said.

The former angel felt pride rise in his chest. Coming from Dean, he would take those words to his heart knowing what they truly meant for Dean if he'd spoken them.

And they stayed in silence. Dean would occasionally bend to Sam's ears and whisper words only meant for the brothers to ear. Castiel somehow felt like he was invading their moment but Dean insisted that after what he had done for them, he was more than welcomed to stay.

Dean finally decided that he had to tell Sam about the deal. He squeezed his brother's hand, giving it warmth and letting Sam physically feel his presence.

"Sam" Dean started. "I've spoken with Death. He's the one who's making you sick like that. But he gave me a way out for you. He even recognized how much of a hero you are" Dean confessed with a small smile full of pride.

"He knows you're a fighter and I know you are too. So you have to keep fighting. Be strong, little brother" Dean pleaded. He felt like he was begging and he truly hoped that Sam could somehow hear him. He hoped that his brother would know.

"Show us how much life you have in you. I know you can do it! Remember how you used to say that you saw light at the end of that tunnel? Remember how you convinced me that you would finish those trials and survive them? Well I need to hold you on to that. I need you to survive this, Sammy. I can't lose you too. I need you" Dean confessed. Castiel found himself shaking from the emotions that were building in the small room.

Dean was holding on to Sam's hand as if it were an anchor. It was proof that Sam was still fighting and the heartbeat he could feel beneath his fingers could only fill his chest with joy. He thought back to the words they exchanged in the church and his own heart squeezed.

"I will always choose you, Sam. Nothing will ever come before you. I told you that before and I'll say it again. It's always been you and me, little brother. That won't ever change. I'm sorry I let you down" Dean finished, unshed tears glistening in his eyes. Castiel didn't know about everything that went on between the brothers after he left Dean at the church but he could feel the wounds that had been left wide-open and how soft-spoken apologies softly soothed those wounds.

Before anything else could be said, Doctor Philips appeared in the door frame, breaking the moment. Dean looked up and sighed. He knew it was his time to go. He gave Sam's hand one final squeeze.

"Listen Sammy, I have to go. But you keep holding on for me, okay? You don't get to go anywhere without me" Dean ordered. He would've hoped for anything, a sign or a twitch, that would show him that his brother had heard him but he rested his hopes on faith.

Doctor Philips motioned for Dean to get moving and for just the slightest second, he could have sworn that Sam's vitals were stronger than they were when he left. Castiel assured Dean that he would be here to take care of Sam and with a pinch to his heart Dean left his brother's side.

OoO

Dean was back in his room where a haughty looking Brandon was waiting for him. The young nurse wasn't pleased with hospital policies not being respected but Dean could care less. The only thing that mattered was the fact that he had managed to see Sam. He was glad he could talk to the kid because at least if anything happened, he could tell himself that he'd been there one last time.

But no, Dean wouldn't think like that. Nothing would happen to Sam. As long as he was around, Sam would be just fine. He knew there was no way to kill Death if ever the Reaper took his brother away but he would find a way to kick his ass.

Dean realized that some time had gone by already since the deal. He looked at the clock and understood that almost 10 hours had gone by since he woke up from his encounter with Death. He still had fourteen hours to go and he was back to square one.

He didn't blame the doctors and knew they did their best but he wished there was something more they could do. Or if the doctors couldn't do anything, he wished he could do something or that the angels were still angels and did something. But none of his options were available and that left him anxious.

His thoughts were running miles per hour when Doctor Bynes walked in. A quick glance at the clock showed Dean that minutes had felt like hours. He was ready more than he'd ever been to suck up until he'd get his exit boarding pass. He'd fly right to Sam's room where he really and only wanted to be.

The psychiatrist offered him a smile that he tried to give back but it turned into a grimace. She smiled some more and invited him to go sit somewhere more comfortable to talk. He hesitantly accepted and they found a table in a quiet corner to have their discussion.

"So you've seen your brother" she said. It was a statement. Dean wanted to pull out a comeback about obviousness but he held it in. "How is he doing?" she asked and despite everything, her voice showed concern.

Dean swallowed. "Not very good but he's holding on" he replied. The doctor nodded.

She took a pause and intertwined her long fingers together before looking up at Dean. The latter swallowed, wondering what it was that was coming next.

"I would really like to let you get back to your brother, Dean. But there is one final step that I can't avoid before letting you go" she said. Dean didn't feel hypocrisy in her voice and after what she did for him, he trusted her when she said that she was on his side.

"What is it" he dared to ask.

She smiled but this one was awkward. As if she knew that what she was about to say wouldn't please Dean. And it certainly didn't.

"You're a great big brother and I know you worry about Sam" she started. Then she cleared her throat and looked into the kid's eyes. It was obviously giving her all the attention and expecting her to finally say it.

"I'm glad you've talked about Sam and shared your feelings about your role as a brother" she continued. Dean was getting impatient now. If this was the last step to his freedom, he wanted it to be over with. And when she showed signs of picking up again, Dean shook in trepidation.

"But I need to rate your overall mental status and for that, we will need to talk about you. Not Sam, _you_" she said with emphasis. Dean stiffened on the chair. He could already imagine what the first questions would be, trying to determine how long he'd been feeling down and what symptoms could he have. That would also probably mean digging up some painful memories. He hoped he could get this over with quickly.

"Once we've done that, if you appear to not be a danger to yourself anymore, I'll let you go" she announced. Dean erased all the fears he had seconds before. He'd just have to make his life appear like a great apple-pie wonderland and he'd be free. He smiled inwardly and nodded.

"Where do we begin?" he asked.

OoO

**That's it for now! I've got all my cues for the rest of the story and I expect it to be one or two more chapters tops. I've updated quickly because I know I don't have much time left before season 9 starts and college starts tomorrow for me. I want to give myself the chance to finish it before work starts piling up. **

**Once again, I really want to thank those of you who've followed this story from the beginning and let me know along the way that you were still with me and enjoyed the story! I swear this keeps me going! You guys are awesome! **

**The rest should be up soon and I really hope you will like what I have planned for you guys! Take care of yourselves and don't forget to let me know what you thought of this chapter! Your opinion matters :)**


	6. Time's up

_"I would really like to let you get back to your brother, Dean. But there is one final step that I can't avoid before letting you go… I need to rate your overall mental status and for that, we will need to talk about you. Not Sam, __you__" the psychiatrist said with emphasis. _

_Dean hoped he could get this over with quickly._

_"Once we've done that, if you appear to not be a danger to yourself anymore, I'll let you go" she announced. Dean erased all the fears he had seconds before. He'd just have to make his life appear like a great apple-pie wonderland and he'd be free. _

_"Where do we begin?" he asked._

Doctor Bynes sighed as she grabbed a pile of papers from the case that had been sitting next to her the whole time. Dean looked at the size of it and he couldn't retain an eye roll that accompanied the realization of how long the evaluation process would be. His impatience grew even more as the psychiatrist explained the purpose of her evaluation and the many policies revolving around it. When she asked if she could finally start, Dean almost yelled that it's the only thing he cared about.

She pulled her own observation grids in front of her and another form that she had to fill through an interview. She cleared her throat and Dean knew the questions would soon begin.

"Do you have a history of mental illness or substance abuse in your family?" she asked. Dean shook his head but then in all honesty, admitted that he was well surrounded by people whom had a penchant for the bottle. It was the lady's turn to nod and she handed Dean a self-assessment questionnaire to evaluate his own alcohol consumption.

While he filled it up, she took her observation grid and started dressing a subjective portrait of her patient. She started assessing Dean's _appearance_. She noted that he was tall, built and mostly well-kept for his age. He might as well have been a young man in his early twenties. At least that let her know he wasn't neglecting himself regarding his looks. She did note that the man was tensed and slightly agitated. Considering the situation it was understandable, she thought.

She moved to study the criteria for _behavior_. Since she had met Dean, she could tell right away that his non-verbal spoke volumes. She remembered the cold glares and the low tones that would make anyone heed to his demands. He could also be aggressive and agitated when kept away from his brother. But he could also be so calm and participating when needed. Of course, Dean was playing the game to go back to Sam but still, it showed he had some control over his behavior. He was also the type to show confidence and to read through you with his perceptive green eyes. A soft small crept up the corners of her lips at the idea. For a second, she caught herself thinking that _attractive_ wasn't a relevant aspect to her observations. _Such a shame_.

Dean had filled the questionnaire and handed it back to the doctor. She took it carefully and cleared her throat in continuation of what had been started.

"How are you feeling right now, Dean?" she asked, leaning her pen on the _affect_ section.

"Peachy" Dean blunted, a cocky look on his face. She looked up to him and they stared at each other for a while, Dean never flinching away from her gaze. She thought she would have to put _sarcastic _in the section for _attitude_.

"Is all that sarcasm your only defense?" she spat with seriousness.

"I've also got my undeniable charms" Dean played. Her tension loosened as a smile appeared on her face. _Now, if that man is depressed, my name is Martha Stewart_ she thought cheerfully. Things weren't looking so bad after all.

"How about we do this one honestly and joke later when you're out of here" she proposed. For a second, Dean thought she winked at him as if taking his side. He pulled a slight but genuine smile and nodded.

"I'm nervous and pretty much impatient" he confessed.

"For how long have you been feeling this way?"

"Pretty much since I was denied access to my critically ill brother" he said, his tone accusatory.

"And you weren't before?"

"It's been a hard year since Sam started getting sick. I've been tensed all along… like a string pulled until it reaches its breaking point" he admitted. The doctor nodded. She had good indications to complete the section on _moods_. Now she'd get into the hard subject and she wasn't so excited about it.

"During that time, were there moments when you felt worthless or like you were a failure?"

Dean swallowed. "When I can't help Sam or anybody else who needs me" he admitted in all honesty.

"What makes you think that you have to save everybody?" she asked, understanding more about Dean than she had before. The hard guy was hiding a caring boy.

"It's my responsibility… I can't let them down" he replied, his eyes clouding. She went to write it down but focused her attention on grasping the moment to get something out of Dean before he closed himself up.

"Who" she started.

"Everyone I cared about died because I couldn't save them! My parents, my grandparents, Jo and Ellen… I couldn't even save Bobby. Now I'm supposed to let Sam die too?" he cried. His whole body reflected his pain.

"It's not your fault, Dean. Whatever happened, you're not the one who made Sam sick and I'm sure you didn't kill the others as well. You can't save everybody and you can't let that guilt blossom because it will eat you alive" she explained. For a second, she pulled herself back before she lost her whole professionalism. What was it with this man that made her want to drop her professional mask to just comfort him and make it all okay.

"Is that why you tried to…" she started.

"No I didn't…" Dean started but stopped himself short. If he started explaining that he did this to save Sam from the Grand Reaper, she would lock him up.

"Sorry. I still have a hard time accepting what I did" he apologized with a strained look. Doctor Bynes looked at it suspiciously but dropped it off after a few seconds.

"When did you begin to have suicidal thoughts?" she asked suddenly. Dean flinched.

"I'm not suicidal. It came just like that when I saw Sam in the Hospital. I've never thought about it before" he swore. She raised an eyebrow, still taking notes.

"Have you made plans or contemplated the means of committing suicide?" she asked.

Dean frowned deeply and her instinct told her he was telling the truth even though her job said she had to investigate more.

"No! It's never been like that" he replied with a pained face. To think that he could ever do that to Sam!

"What's keeping you from thinking about it?" she asked.

"My brother" he replied so quickly that it was no doubt this was the truth. "I would never do that to Sam" he added. She nodded and jotted it down on her grid.

"Do you have access to firearms or strong medication?"

Dean tensed. His response came slower than usual. "Yeah, sort of…" he trailed off. He breathed deeply. "Sam and I used to love hunting. But that doesn't change anything. I wouldn't do that to him" he assured. The doctor finally nodded

"Ok, would you give me a minute to see where I am with my notes and then we'll continue" she asked and when Dean nodded, she was already concentrating.

The conversation they just had allowed her to make observations on many points. She assessed Dean's _speech_ and how he easily conversed on a normal rhythm except when he got really angry or really pained. She noted a flowing _thought process_ and how Dean could be relevant or humorous even though his sarcasm tended to avoid giving serious answers. For his _thought content_ she couldn't let out the guilt he spoke volumes about. The pressure this man put on himself was reason for concern. He also seemed to think he had to save everybody. This delusion could get harmful. The best example was the current situation with his brother.

She came across the _perception_ section and noted clearly that Dean wasn't presenting any signs relating to psychosis. She acknowledged that the last part would be to evaluate her patient's _judgment_. That would give her an idea of the chances of relapsing.

She cleared her throat. "Dean, tell me what happened" she demanded. He looked at her with a puzzled look. "Already did" he said with a low and slightly perceptible growl of annoyance.

"I need to evaluate your perception of the events" she justified. He breathed deeply.

"I got weak. I saw Sam and thought I failed him. That's when I acted on my emotions only and not my reason. Tried to off myself" he spoke in bribes. She nodded to confirm that she'd listened to him.

"If you had to start over, what would you do?"

"I'd ask for help right away. I know I need to work that guilt thing… Sammy reminds me all the time. He's the one who helps me deal with it" Dean admitted after the bunch of lies that came so naturally in his mouth. She nodded again.

"So what will you do from now on?"

"I'll find some help. I'll work my guilt and my emotions and try to control them so they don't get the best of me" Dean almost choked out. He felt like an A-team sucker trying to rub the teacher the right way only to get the points he lost on his 99% score.

"And how do you feel about getting help?" she asked.

"I honestly don't like it but I don't want to hurt Sam so I'll do anything to get better" he lied through his teeth. The doctor nodded finally. She took a few notes before pulling some paper out.

"Okay Dean, I have a couple of written questions to hand out to you. They will evaluate your cognitive skills. When that is done, I'll have to leave to make my evaluation and discuss my decision with my peers. When that is over with, I'll come back to give you the report" she said. Dean nodded and started on the paper work. He finally crossed his fingers and waited.

OoO

Dean had to wait for hours before Doctor Bynes came back to his room. He was getting nervous out of his mind. Maybe if it took so long, this meant that he was screwed. Would he be able to see Sam again? He'd been careful to give away the good answers so what was taking so long?

And she came in with a smile. Of all things, she grinned at him! He wondered if he should get angry but then again, a smile could mean good things too. Instead he waited to hear what she had to say.

"I guess you know why I'm here. I have the results of your evaluation. I had to pull a couple of strings with my colleagues but you shouldn't be too disappointed with me" she announced. She now had Dean's full attention.

"The test you've passed is not diagnostic, of course, but it doesn't seem to point towards an illness for you" she started. Dean thought he should be relieved but he was expecting at least that part.

"I also don't think that you are depressed enough to warrant further investigation. I rated your attempt as spontaneous in regard to a sudden stressful factor. You don't seem to have a history of suicidal tendencies either and that factor helped in the decision" she explained. He nodded but then realized that her speech still didn't contain the answers he wanted.

"The tests have suggested some other issues, though. It seems your alcohol consumption is at risk and you have a serious problem controlling your anger and your guilt, especially when it concerns your brother" she stated. Dean shivered.

"You have to take care of that, or it _will_ destroy you" she instructed. Dean nodded.

"I believe it's something you can do as an outpatient of this hospital" she added on a much softer tone. The boy looked up to her with wide hopeful eyes.

"I've made you a list of therapeutic activities you can join and I'm expecting you to help yourself. You're young and I see faith in you. I want to see you grow as a man and I believe keeping you away from your brother like this is not the best way to do it" she explained.

Dean was so relieved and happy at this moment that he wanted to grab the doctor and hug her. That idea remained where it came from and he stayed still, his gaze fixated on the doctor. He was afraid she'd put another condition that would ruin the good news.

"Come on, you're free. I don't want to see you here ever again! I'll get someone to bring you your stuff and the pamphlets I hope you will consult" she said with a real visible wink this time. Her smile was also full of sympathy and warmth. Dean breathed his thanks and almost ran out of the door. For a second, he thought someone would run after him but then he remembered he was free.

He hurried towards Sam room and took in a deep breath when he reached the door. When he walked inside the room, shivers racked his body. Sam's condition hadn't changed or improved. In fact, Dean could swear the kid looked worse than the last time he'd seen him. After taking Sam's state into consideration, he finally noticed the former angel.

Castiel was sitting on the edge of his chair with concern written all over his features. Dean noticed a basin next to his friend. It was only then that he noticed that Castiel was nervously playing with a cloth. He frowned and cleared his throat. Blue eyes turned to him and surprised filled them right after recognition.

"Dean! You're back" he stated but Dean heard the underlying question.

"Yeah and for good now. Cas, what's going on?" he asked, traveling his gaze from the former angel to his brother on the bed. Castiel let out a pained sigh and Dean shivered some more.

"It happened a couple of hours ago. Sam started showing signs of infection" Castiel started. Dean frowned. "Why didn't anybody tell me about it?" the big brother growled. Castiel shrugged.

"I don't know. They haven't pronounced a diagnosis yet. They said it's highly probable that Sam has aspired bacterial fluid when he had his first complication. He developed a fever. That's how they found out something was up with him and they took some blood samples for the labs" he explained.

Dean clenched his fists and turned back to look at Sam with a pained look. His brother's face was pale and sweaty. The eldest sighed. "Jesus, Sammy" he breathed out. He then walked closer to the bed and laid his palm on his brother's forehead. He could feel the heat radiating from the pale skin. Sam's bangs were sticking to his skin from the perspiration.

"I'm right here, Sammy. I'm back and I'm not leaving this time. You're gonna be okay" the eldest whispered to his baby brother's ear. He rubbed circles on Sam's forehead before turning back to the third person in the room.

"What are they doing this time?" he asked. Castiel was removing the excess of water from the cloth that he had just dipped in the cold water before handing it to Dean. The latter grabbed the cloth and cooled Sam's sweaty face with it.

"So far, they've given him antibiotics while they run the tests. There's also a nurse that comes in regularly to check on his temperature and vitals" he reported. Dean nodded and rested the cloth on Sam's forehead. He took a glance at the clock and realized it had been almost 16 hours since the deal. He didn't have much time left to save Sam.

Dean had taken a seat next to Sam when the nurse came in for her regular visits. She placed a thermometer in Sam's ear and waited. She sent a knowing look at Castiel and Dean guessed that after a few visits, they ran out of formalities. She then noticed his presence and smiled. "Hi, you must be Sam's brother" she tried. Dean only nodded. She blushed a little. "Looks do run in the family" she whispered softly. Dean shrugged it off. In any other circumstances, he would have flirted with her but now really wasn't the time.

"I'm Stacey, by the way" she said as the thermometer let out a sound and she turned back to it to read Sam's temperature. She frowned and Dean's mind was in instant alert. "101.2" she announced. "It has climbed again" she remarked sadly. Then she eyed the monitors and wrote the vitals down.

"How is he" Dean tried. She frowned again. "I don't like that his heart rate is elevated and his blood pressure his low. I also don't like that the chest tube isn't draining the amount of fluids it should be draining" she noted. Dean didn't know much about medicine but he could read in the girl's face that this didn't mean anything good for his brother.

"I'll have Sam's doctor paged" she announced before leaving quickly. Dean stared desperately at Sam. His hand found its way through the railing and grabbed Sam's. Mindful of the IVs, Dean rubbed circles on the back of Sam's hand.

After some time, Doctor Philips walked into the room and noticed Dean's presence. He nodded approvingly and Dean gave him a light smile. The man grabbed the nurse's report notes and read them. He then took his own look at the monitors and touched Sam's heated skin. After a second he sighed.

"I have the results from the blood labs and Sam's white cells count is higher than it should. This means he's fighting an infection. I want to do an arterial blood gas test because I think the infection is situated in his lungs" he announced. Dean swallowed and nodded. "Do what you have to do" Dean said.

While the nurse came in the room to help the doctor for the procedure, the latter checked the output of the chest tube. It was indeed lesser than it was supposed to be. The doctor closed his eyes for a second. This really complicated everything. With the help of the nurse, he drew blood with a plastic syringe from Sam's radial artery in his wrist.

He came back about half an hour later with the results. He had a somber look and Dean's quickly matched it. "Sam's arterial oxygen partial pressure is too low" he started. Dean frowned. He seemed to be doing that a lot whenever the doctor had another factor to doom Sam with.

"Meaning?" Dean asked. Castiel looked at the doctor with the same questioning look.

"It means that even with the aid of the vent, Sam doesn't get enough oxygen. He is most likely hypoxemic" the doctor replied with rushed urgency. Dean tensed – if possible – even more.

"What's happening exactly?" Dean asked.

The doctor sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "It's an accumulation of factors. Sam has aspired some bacterial fluids into his lungs because of the endotracheal tube. It seems to have caused an infection. The chest tube isn't draining the fluids properly as well. I can't be sure but it is possible that the remaining blood from the hemothorax is clotting in Sam's lungs and getting infected as well" he explained. Dean started shaking and he suddenly couldn't keep his eyes away from Sam for some reason.

"What kind of infection is it?" he asked, still looking away while rubbing Sam's arm in comforting circles.

"I have to run a chest x-ray for the diagnosis of the infection and of the pleural empyema and then I'll be able to give you an accurate answer" he replied truthfully.

And when the test results came back, Dean knew they were doomed. Only a few hours left and so many diagnoses didn't bore well for the youngest Winchester. Doctor Philips came back with a beaten look.

"Sam has acute lung injury, which is the first step before acute respiratory distress syndrome. He is hypoxemic which means that his organs don't receive enough oxygen. He could go into sepsis and multiple organ failure. He is also showing signs of retained hemothorax which means that the blood is clotting and getting infected. We'll have to put him on pressure control ventilation and provide broad spectrum antibiotics for the infection and prevention of sepsis, in addition to the meds for the clotting" he said between two breaths.

Dean's head spun. He thought about Death and for the first time sighed in defeat. He started to think that Sam couldn't make it out of this. The doctor didn't say it but Dean could tell that the man was exhausted and desperate. He had once said that any complication would be fatal. As if reading his thoughts, the doctor looked at Dean.

"Sam has made it this far already. He is fighting" he stated. Dean wanted to believe it but Sam looked so worn down. "The best you can do is fight with him and pray" he added. He then left the brothers alone.

Dean shook and his gaze was fixated on Sam. He didn't want to let his mind wander in case it would start showing him thousands of pessimistic scenarios. "Does this sound like a death sentence to you" he breathed softly. He hadn't noticed it when his friend had gotten up but he realized quickly that Castiel was standing next to him with a hand on his shoulder.

"He still has time, Dean. And the doctor is right, Sam is still here with us. He is fighting" he tried. Dean's grip tightened on Sam. His lips turned into a pout.

"You hear that, Sam. You keep fighting! I didn't do all this therapy work to lose you when I come back" he growled. Anger was building inside him.

"You hear me, Sam?! You don't get to go anywhere!" he ordered. For a second, Dean thought he sounded so much like his dad. But then, Sam never listened to their dad. But he did listen to his brother. And that thought brought tears to his eyes.

"Let's go breathe some fresh air" Castiel proposed.

Dean turned to him as if he'd just remembered his presence.

"I'm not leaving…" he started stuttering but the former angel grabbed his arm tightly.

"This wasn't a suggestion, Dean. Let's go" he ordered. Dean looked puzzled but he followed reluctantly after a while.

It was the first hours of the day and the sky was clear. Dean could contemplate the stars. He'd been trapped between four walls for too long. Fresh air did help.

"Thank you" he said to Castiel's attention. The latter nodded.

"I just figured you could use a break before losing it" he justified. Dean nodded and a tear ran down his cheek.

"I'm starting to think that Death was right. He'll be claiming Sam when the 24 hours are over" he cried in defeat. Castiel shook his head. "Don't think like that. He's made it this far. He needs your support and your faith" he assured.

"Yeah" Dean breathed and sniffled loudly.

OoO

The room was empty when he came in. Sam was lying on the bed and looked like road kill. The man frowned as he reached closer. Even though it was the first hours of the day, he'd expected someone in the room. Of all people, Dean should have been there. He was always around, especially when Sam was hurt.

He looked at the mess in front of him, a mess that used to be a strong man. The same man who had decided to give his life away to shut the doors of Hell. He had almost succeeded but then there had been Dean. The eldest was never far away whenever Sam was concerned.

He'd always underestimated Sam because of that. Thought he wasn't strong or competent enough to do anything without his brother's help. But Sam had made his proofs. He showed what he could do. He showed what real courage burned inside him. And even if that got him hurt in the first place, he had to give credit to the guy for that.

"Moose" he said softly, crossing his way towards the bed. "Sam" he added on the same tone. He swallowed.

He didn't know why he did this. What made him come? But he felt like he had to. Maybe it was his new set of emotions. Remembering what it felt like to be human. What it felt like to be in pain. He remembered the screams of all the people he hurt and they racked his brain.

"You screwed me up this time" Crowley growled. He let his fingers trail along Sam's arm.

"This time you're the one tied up. I do have a little something for you too" he said with a slight smile before putting his hand to Sam's forehead.

OoO

Dean walked back inside the room with a steaming coffee. Castiel followed behind. They hadn't left for a long period of time because Dean wouldn't stay away from Sam for too long. They took seats around the bed.

There were two hours left to the deal. Sam was still there and that was already a victory to Dean. There was still hope. "You keep hanging on, Sam. Two more hours, that's all I'm asking" Dean begged. Castiel sent a sideway look towards Sam.

A nurse came in the room with her usual thermometer. She put it in Sam's ear and grabbed the chart at the meantime. She studied Sam's vitals and wrote them down. Dean cautiously watched her every move. When the thermometer beeped, the nurse grabbed it and frowned at the reading.

"What is it" Dean said immediately.

She looked up to him and after a few seconds she smiled. "100.3…it's still high but it's finally going down" she replied cheerfully. Dean smiled back. He could finally see a little light ahead.

"And his vitals are definitely stronger" she added.

Dean looked at Sam and then back at the nurse with sparkling eyes. He could only smile.

"Way to go, little brother. You keep beating this thing!" Dean cheered while patting Sam's knee. Castiel looked at them and smiled. It was the first time he really felt relieved in a long time.

The nurse went out and the eldest Winchester turned to his friend. "What happened?" he wondered out loud. He couldn't understand how Sam could have gone from dying to getting better so quickly. Castiel shrugged. There were no more angels so Sam couldn't have been healed by them.

"I don't understand either" the former angel echoed. Dean looked around the room when his nose caught onto something. A smell. He frowned and got up to pace around the room. Finally, at the foot of Sam's bed, right by the side of his head, was a little heap of yellowish powder. Dean frowned and put his fingers to it to get a sniffle at the substance. "Sulfur" he breathed. Castiel frowned.

"What the hell" Dean continued. Castiel snorted at the choice of words. Only, both boys were too preoccupied with Sam's fate to care any longer about this mystery.

When the nurse came back an hour later, she announced with a great pleasure that Sam's fever had broken. Dean was laughing with joy. Castiel was happy for the Winchesters he considered as friends.

Doctor Philips came in to study Sam's new state. The look on his face testified of his surprise. "I don't understand. I can't believe Sam's fever broke so quickly! It's like…a miracle" he breathed. He was too shocked to be happy or even relieved. Although Sam was young, patients usually didn't recover so quickly. With Sam's luck, he was expecting him to go into organ failure and now the kid was getting better.

Sam had a quick chest x-ray to confirm his improving condition. Doctor Philips was astonished to reveal that Sam's lungs were indeed healing. He was staring at the results with Dean behind his shoulders and no words could express how amazed he was. "The clots are slowly and normally dissolving and the chest tube has already resumed an efficient work. The infected area is already clearing and the accumulated fluids are draining away" he noted, his voice filled with disbelief. "His heart rhythm is already going back down and his oxygenation is much better. At this rate, we will be able to extubate soon, as soon as we've removed the chest tube" he stated, still not understanding how any of this was possible.

"You must have the hell of an angel on your shoulder" he said, turning to Dean. The Winchester chuckled. _Or an angel from hell…_

When the doctor finally left, Dean was expecting another visit. The 24 hours were over and Sam was getting stronger by then. Dean smiled victoriously and if he hadn't been holding back, he would have jumped in happiness. Castiel was happy too but he wasn't displaying it as much as Dean was.

A weird coldness filled the room and Dean wasn't surprised to hear the distinct sound of the old man's shallow breathing. He turned to the corner of the room where the Reaper had suddenly appeared. He closed the door and locked it for discretion.

Dean tensed at the sight of the skeletal man. Sam had made it and a deal was a deal but still. He was up against Death after all. Despite his growing fear, he flashed a victorious smile.

"I believe our deal is over" the Reaper hissed, his voice cold and piercing. Dean swallowed.

"It is and I believe we win" he replied. Death bowed his head to look at Dean straight into the eyes, his deep sockets seemingly profound and without an end.

"So it seems…" he growled, slightly pulling his chin up. His eyes tore away from Dean to look at Sam and then at Castiel.

"Sam is alive. That was the deal, right? So now you have to free him" Dean spat, growing impatient. The Reaper shook his head with the disappointed look a father gives his son when the kid has done something he shouldn't have after being warned not to.

"I wouldn't get too impatient if I were you. Don't you have to control your… anger?" Death replied. Dean shivered. Although small and frail, the Horseman could be so fearful with just a look. Dean cut his eyes at the Reaper and waited.

"Sam had to survive on his own… but he's had help" Death stated. Dean swallowed. He knew it. Miracles didn't just happen. Especially not to them with their luck – or lack of.

"We didn't do anything and we didn't call anyone. If someone was here to help, it was on their own accord" Dean snapped. The Horseman looked at him with piercing eyes.

"It raises the question though… why would the King of Hell go out of his way to save the man who'd wanted him locked up in the first place?" Death hissed. Dean cringed. _Crowley_.

"I don't know but if he wants Sam alive after what we did to him then you have to let him live" Dean growled.

It took a few seconds where the both of them only stared at each other – eyes locked upon eyes. Then the Reaper smiled in an improper way that made Dean feel uneasy.

"Right, a deal is a deal" he spat tight-lipped. Then without a warning, he snapped his fingers. Fluorescent light shone brightly from inside Sam's arms. It traveled all the way to his chest and then ran towards each of Sam's extremities before dissipating. Sam's body shivered before leaning back against the bed. He didn't look tensed anymore. His body finally looked like it was resting peacefully.

Death grimaced and cocked his head to the side. "Happy?" he growled. Dean nodded and the Reaper vanished after swearing that he really didn't want to hear about the Winchesters for the next decades. Dean smiled genuinely this time as he turned to share his victory with Castiel.

The former angel had remained silent all along but he was happy to see that this nightmare was finally over. "So it was Crowley" he stated quietly. Dean shrugged. "I guess" he replied.

They both turned to look at Sam. There was a peaceful look on his face. His features weren't so stretched anymore and he didn't wear pain all over his face like he had before. He finally looked like he was having a beauty sleep. Dean smiled at the idea. He wasn't against it either. Sam had been overexerting himself for way too long now. He'd been sick for months, getting worse all the time. If Dean had known from the start, he would have done something right away. He wouldn't have avoided the hospital for so long. They might have made mistakes that could've hurt his brother but he also knew that Sam would have never survived the deal without the medical aid. He was grateful for that.

He'd gotten closer to Castiel as well. At least he thought so. They'd been better friends in the past three days than they had been in the past year. Of course, all this thing with Castiel – staying behind in Purgatory and then working with Naomi against them – didn't help either. If he'd stopped believing in the guy at some point, now he had regained his trust entirely. Castiel had been there and did what he couldn't do. He'd taken care of Sam and that – in Dean's book – was the highest act of loyalty to him. He was also grateful for that.

And he could only sit there and watch time go by as Sam's vitals became stronger and his brother slowly came back to the life he came so close to quitting. His brother was a fighter, even though he'd gotten a push from the devil. That was something he'd have to deal with. But later. Crowley could wait. The big SOB called Metatron could wait too. Unfortunately he held Kevin now so the prophet would also have to wait. As for the angels, they'd probably be coming after them now. But he couldn't care less about any of that. For now.

He had Sam alive with him and it's all that mattered.

OoO

**TBC.**

**Done for now. There's only the epilogue left. Unfortunately this story has to end. But hey, in one month, we'll get the actual season premiere. I can't wait! I did inspire myself from an interview where Jared gave very little undetailed spoilers for season 9.**

**I hope you liked this chapter! Or even if you didn't, you can tell me what you didn't like so I can improve my writing for the next time! Thank you very much to those of you who've granted me continued support. It really means a lot! Thanks to everyone who has followed and favorited the story!**

**Also, all medical facts in the story have been thoroughly researched! There might be some mistakes but some of you did point out that they were accurate so far so thank you google for granting access to so much amazing information!**

**The epilogue should be up soon so stay tuned! I hope you've liked the story and that it kept you entertained until the real deal comes up! See you soon for the last chapter and take care!**


	7. Epilogue

As time went by, Dean grew crazier. He was excited about Sam's recovery but annoyed at the same time because his brother still hadn't come to. Dean had a surge of hope when the doctors announced that Sam was starting to fight the vent. When it was clear that his baby brother was growing stronger, they had weaned him off of it, happy to see that Sam wasn't struggling with breathing on his own anymore.

Doctor Philips never ceased to be amazed with Sam's quick progress. He would have never thought that Sam would be getting better so quickly. He had actually expected the worst. But so far, Sam's sats remained strong with the aid of a cannula.

Dean wouldn't leave Sam's side anymore. He'd thrown Castiel out, threatening to kick him out by force if the man didn't agree to leave of his own will. Dean had blamed the smell. His friend wasn't an angel anymore and a couple of days in the hospital didn't do anybody any good when kept away from a shower and a much needed shave. Castiel wasn't used to those human 'duties' but he agreed when he took in the scent of his clothes and the look of his unshaven chin in the mirror. He realized he was hungry too. _Another perk of being human_.

Sam's nurse was growing excited too. She was by her patient's side taking in his vitals while Dean scrutinized her every moves.

"His vitals are strong" she announced. "He really should be waking soon" she chimed. Dean chuckled.

"Oh, not for a little while" he spat. Something flickered in her eyes as she cocked her head to the side. Dean gave her a strained smile.

"Sammy's a little bit of a princess" he started and a grin crept its way on the nurse's face. "He won't wake up until he's had enough attention" he concluded. She choked a giggle and looked back down at her patient's peaceful face. Dean noticed the flush in hers. She'd grown quite fond of the brothers in the last few days.

"I'll trust your brother instinct on that one" she confessed, dropping Sam's chart and walking towards the door. "Just have me called when he does wake up. I can't wait to see those eyes of his" she said with a smile. Dean forced a smile and gave her a nod. She left him alone with his brother once more.

Dean was a little bit in the same position Castiel was in. He was dreaming of a warm shower and a razor. Clean clothes also seemed so appealing. He'd gotten his old clothes back after being released but he still wished he could dig up his own duffel and fish for a clean pair of underwear. At least Sam had sponge baths from the nurses. Dean found himself being jealous of his little brother.

It was only towards the end of the day that Sam started to stir. Dean had been pacing back and forth from the room with growing impatience. He wondered if his brother really was cured. His hopes had gone down but went back up when he noticed the subtle shift in his brother's position.

He was at Sam's side immediately, grabbing his hand to guide his brother's way out, back from the darkness.

"I'm here, Sammy. Open your eyes now" he pleaded. He only got a groan in response. It was already a start and Dean kept begging his brother to open his eyes.

It took a few minutes of inner struggle before Dean was met by glassy hazel eyes only visible through long eyelashes. Sam's eyes were opened to slits and unfocused at first. When they rested on Dean, recognition filled them. Sam let out a long breath and closed his eyes. He looked comfortable for once. Dean knew the only thought of having his brother around had reassured Sam.

"That's it, Sam. I'm right here. Whenever you're ready…" he said softly, knowing his brother would probably be exhausted and in pain for a little while. Sam's lips turned up so slightly that anyone other than Dean wouldn't have noticed. But the older brother _knew_. He could read Sam like an open book. The slight squeeze he felt on his hand also testified that Sam was back for good this time. He smiled, his eyes tearing.

Sam slept some more before waking up again later. This time, his eyes were more focused and he searched for Dean. As soon as his eyes spotted his brother, he relaxed and breathed deeply. Dean reached closer to his brother, squeezing his hand to let him know he was still there. At the mean time, he hesitated before pushing the call button. He knew he had to call the nurse but something in him wanted to have a moment longer alone with his brother. He had been kept away from Sam for too long after all.

"You with me this time?" he asked. Sam weakly nodded his head and Dean heard him swallow repeatedly.

"Does your throat hurt?" he asked, guessing his brother was in pain from the look on his face. He could indeed read him like an open book. Sam nodded weakly and tried opening his mouth to speak but the words wouldn't come out. His throat felt really sore and his mind was still fuzzy – he guessed it was from the drugs. He really wanted to talk but the words wouldn't come together and form anything coherent.

Dean pulled his palm up Sam's chest while his other hand felt for something on the side that Sam couldn't see because his stiff neck wouldn't follow the movement.

"Don't try to talk, Sammy. Here, " he said, handing Sam a spoonful of ice chips. Sam let his brother slip the cool comfort passed his lips and nodded thankfully.

"You're welcome" Dean giggled. He was beyond relieved to see his brother awake and reactive. Sam had closed his eyes while the ice melted into his throbbing throat. He then swallowed painfully. After a few hard coughs, he cleared his throat and finally looked up to his brother, his eyes drooping from the exhausting activity.

"'m not a princ'ss" he breathed, his voice incredibly low and raspy. Dean chuckled.

"You are" Dean replied with a grin.

"Jerk" Sam snapped. It wasn't slurred and Dean heard him clearly.

"Yeah, right back at you, Sammy" he teased but there was no malice in his voice. Just relief. A bitchy Sam was better than no Sam at all. "I missed you" he added.

Sam sent him a sideways glance as to verify if he'd heard well but Dean's face was serious. It's only then that the youngest understood how close it had been. _Too damn close_. Because he could tell Dean had been scared. His brother had stubble on his face and the lines around his eyes were deep and outstretched. For a second, he thought Dean actually looked ten years older.

"How long, D'?" he asked, slurring his brother's name like he used to do when he was sick as a kid. Dean smiled painfully at the memory.

"Couple of days… but you're good now. It's all that matters" he said with a strained smile. Sam winced. He could understand what Dean wouldn't say. _He didn't think I was going to make it_. And then he wondered how bad it had been. The pain in his whole body, particularly in his chest answered his question a little.

He looked down at himself and noted the different bandages and tubes sticking out of him. A wave of nausea washed over him and made his head spin. He rested his head back on his pillow and closed his eyes to catch his breath. Instinctively, his fingers reached up to the unfamiliar material under his nose. Dean squeezed his hand harder this time.

"Hey hey, leave that alone, Sammy" he spat.

Sam snorted but listened to his brother anyway. Exhaustion had reached him again and his eyes were taking an increasingly longer time to open after each blink.

That's when the nurse came in. Dean had pressed the button after all. She held a smile when she saw the movement from the bed. Her patient was finally awake. She turned to Dean with a smile. "Guess you were right about your brother" she said, thinking back to Dean predicting that Sam wasn't ready to wake up just yet.

That got Sam's attention and he opened his eyes to slits, turning to the new face in the room. Dean giggled. "I practically raised this kid. Of course I'm right!" he replied obviously.

Sam rolled his eyes, visibly annoyed. He was mostly exhausted by now. The nurse smiled at the scene and walked closer to Sam to check on his vitals.

He flinched when she had to flash a bright light in his eyes. He blinked several times while she stood with a smile. "You do have beautiful eyes" she whispered softly.

Sam hardly let her know he had heard her. His eyes were closed now. Dean smiled at how Sam's eye-charms worked even when he was half conscious and doped from the meds.

The nurse turned to him as she finished her report. "He's doing good, all things considered. He'll probably be sleepy for a while. He needs all the rest he can get, after all" she said with a comforting smile. Dean nodded and gave her a strained smile back.

She finally left, saying that Doctor Philips would drop by shortly to evaluate Sam. Dean was left alone with his little brother again.

"Damn you" he breathed. "Even unconscious you manage to get all the girls" he teased. Sam's lips turned into a small tired smile.

"s'cause 'm the cutes'" he slurred, his eyes still closed.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night" Dean sighed. Sam breathed out with a smile on his lips before his respiration deepened. Dean finally smiled, his eyes tearing again. Sam was definitely back for good now. Even though they still had ways to go, they would figure this out together, _just like they always did_.

OoO

The Impala stopped in front of the familiar building. The sun was hiding behind a set of clouds but at least it was one of the first rainless days in a long time. Dean slid out of the car and half ran to the other side before Sam could pull his door fully open. Dean pulled it the rest of the way and he was already grabbing his brother's shoulder to help him up.

"Dean, I can walk" Sam complained, annoyed. He pushed his brother's hands away but when he swayed as he got to his feet, Dean was there, instantly catching him and holding him up tightly.

"Sure, you can. Let's go" he announced, still holding Sam. The latter rolled his eyes but leaned into his brother's touch.

They walked inside the Batcave. It was the first real physical home they ever had. Dean was happy to be back as he'd been missing his bed. Too many days in the Hospital does that to you. A large smile crept up his face. "Welcome back home, Sammy" he sported.

Sam only nodded. The little walk from the car had exhausted him, although he wouldn't admit that out loud. Dean sighed and faced his brother. "And you are on bed rest until further notice" he announced. Sam bitch-faced him but before he could add anything else, Dean continued.

"You don't get to leave your bed at all. I'll take care of everything!" he said. Sam knew it wasn't a proposition. His brother would mother-hen him until Sam was completely recovered. He wouldn't even be able to take a piss without Dean butting in his privacy.

He rolled his eyes but Dean's pat on the shoulder was somewhat comforting. He knew his brother only wanted the best for him and that told a lot about the guilt Dean must be feeling. Usually, when the older Winchester overprotected Sam, it was because he wanted to compensate from feeling guilty about letting Sam down. Only, the youngest thought that his brother's presence was more than enough to make up for it.

He dragged himself to his bed and Dean covered him from head to toes. Sam wouldn't get cold; that much was obvious. He half-smiled at his brother's efforts. Dean came back a while later with a warm soup and crackers. Sam's stomach churned. The idea of food was making him hurt.

"'m not hungry, D" he said softly, holding a hand over his angry stomach.

"You have to eat, Sammy. You're growing skinny and with your sasquatchian size, you don't want to end up looking like a rake now, do you?" he chuckled. Sam rolled his eyes but the motion had his head spinning. He still wasn't feeling optimal. No matter how much he rested in the hospital, he still felt sick. He never thought he'd actually need to rest from resting in the hospital.

Dean sighed and dropped the food on the night table. He sat on the edge of the bed and turned towards Sam, whom was sitting with his back resting against the headboard.

"How are you feeling? " he asked. Sam knew Dean didn't want him to feed him some made up crap.

"Like shit. Everything hurts but at least I can breathe" Sam confessed. Dean swallowed as he turned back to pull out a couple of pain killers and a glass of water. He handed the pills to his brother who accepted them with a thankful nod.

Dean sighed. He wanted to talk about everything that had happened but he didn't know how to bring the subject to his brother. "I'm glad you're okay" he finally said with a shaking in his voice that no one else than Sam would be able to capture.

The youngest looked down. "It's been close, hasn't it" he started. Dean sighed deeply and rubbed his now clammy hands on his jeans. While he nodded he asked Sam how much he remembered.

"I remember the church with you telling me to let go and then the atrocious pain… and then… it's kind of blurry until I woke up in the hospital" he admitted. Dean nodded. He was almost glad that Sam didn't seem to remember too much about Metatron's cruelty.

"You collapsed back at the church, Sam. We had to get you to the hospital where it was pretty much touch and go until you actually started getting better" Dean explained, leaving most parts out of the story to not disturb his brother even more. He would keep the details for later. Sam was listening to everything Dean said. He didn't like the fact that he couldn't remember much.

"When you started the trials, you sealed a binding spell between you and Death. You were supposed to die, Sam. But I made a deal with Death. He let you live if you survived on your own for a day" the eldest explained. Sam frowned. He hadn't been expecting anything like that.

"I really thought we were screwed for a while" Dean finally admitted and Sam saw all the pain that Dean had been holding for days. He shivered. Instinctively, Dean pulled another blanket around Sam's shoulders. The youngest looked down in shame. Even when Dean was hurt, he always put Sam first. He wondered how he could have ever thought that his brother would favor someone else over him.

Dean seemed to read his mind because he became serious again. "You will always come first to me, Sam. Before anything or anyone, that's the way it's always been and that's the way it'll always be even though sometimes you make me want to smack you for being an idiot" he confessed. Sam felt tears sting the back of his eyes and he couldn't help but smile.

"I'm sorry I have even doubted you" he breathed. Dean gave him a reassuring smile and Sam knew instantly that he was forgiven.

"The only thing I care about is that you haven't let me down this time. Not that I ever felt like you did but I'm glad you're here, Sam. There is no me if there is no you" he confessed.

Sam nodded and his eyes rolled in unshed moisture.

"Nice chick-flick" Sam teased. Dean smacked his brother playfully on the shoulder.

"Shut up" he snapped. But Sam could only smile and Dean couldn't help but smile back.

"Bitch" he whispered.

"Jerk" Sam replied, finally letting the tears spill. He was just happy to have his brother back to the way it had always been between them before everything went crazy.

Dean shook his head to keep himself from crying and then cleared his throat while standing up.

"Come on, little big man. Time to sleep" he announced.

Sam rolled his eyes but he lowered himself into the comforting embrace of his bed. Dean laid the blankets over his brother's lanky form. He stared at the man he raised for eternal seconds before brushing Sam's bangs out of his eyes. He smiled and walked towards the light switch to turn it off.

Once he did he realized he had nothing else to do with himself. _There is no me if there is no you_.

He walked back to Sam's bed, knowing very well that he would never be able to sleep if he didn't know Sam was going to be okay.

"Scoot over" he growled.

Sam moved so that Dean could sit with his back to the headboard in the same way Sam had some time before. He remained there in silence when he felt Sam snuggle closer to him. The youngest cuddled next to his brother and Dean could feel the warmth of Sam's breath next to him. He smiled and let his fingers run through the unruly bangs of hair.

"You do realize you need a haircut, right?" Dean pointed out. He only heard the loud annoyed breath next to him which made him smile.

"Dean?" came the shy voice.

"Yeah, Sammy?"

"How did I make it if even you had lost hope" the man who now sounded like a child asked.

"Crowley" Dean breathed. Sam stiffened.

"We'll figure this out later, ok. Now you have to sleep" Dean pointed out. He felt Sam's nod against his leg.

They spent a few more seconds in silence.

"Dean?"

"Yes, Sam" Dean's voice was growing annoyed.

"Where's Kevin?" he asked, thinking for the first time that he hadn't seen the prophet when they came home.

"We'll take care of that later, Sam" Dean replied a little snappier than he would've liked. He wasn't too happy with that situation as well.

They went back to being silently enjoying each other's company. Dean wouldn't admit it but he was actually enjoying this moment. He'd been so scared…

"Dean? "

He shut his eyes tightly and breathed loudly.

"Yes?" he snapped.

Sam swallowed. After a few seconds of getting no answer, Dean added "what is it, Sam?"

"Thanks for not giving up on me" Sam finally said. Dean froze. He could still feel Sam's soft hair under his fingers and his brother's warm breath against his leg. Sam's fingers wrapped around the fabric of Dean's shirt as he snuggled impossibly closer.

"I love you, D" Sam whispered before his breathing evened.

Dean felt the hot tears finally break loose. Even though his brother was a thirty years-old giant, he still saw him as the little kid he used to be. The kid he'd given his life to protect. Maybe he would deny it later but right now he was just enjoying the proximity. He'd missed that.

"I love you too, Sammy" he finally whispered.

That's how they went to sleep that night and whatever challenge may come facing them in the future, they would be ready and strong because whatever danger awaits _they would figure it out together, just like they always do_.

**THE END**

**OoO**

**This story is now over. I'm sad because I actually really enjoyed writing it. I hope you've enjoyed it as well. I think I'm happy with how this came out. I miss the sweet little brotherly moments we used to get! **

**I was so surprised when I saw the trailer for season 9 premiere. It doesn't sound familiar at all! Lol. I'm glad at least they're following where season 8 ended. I would have hated them if they just ignored it and time jumped over the much needed brotherly hurt/comfort reunion.**

**I have plenty of ideas for fanfictions so if you want to stay tuned you can check out my profile from time to time. I do hope you liked this story. I want to thank those of you who have read, reviewed, followed and favorited the story! I'm really happy that my story has been positively received! Don't forget to let me know what you thought of the ending!**

**Take care of yourselves and maybe we'll meet again on another story! **

**LaueHime**


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